I would love to update this more often, but keeping up with a 4mo old is priority #1!
Getting ready for the holidays, as well as a deployment has been hectic.
Add that to having two roommates, house work, shopping for & cooking meals, and constantly working on our marriage makes for little down time.
I'm looking forward to getting back on my thyroid meds, loosing all this pregnancy weight will be nice. Add that to getting back to the gym (when I can), and I am excited to start looking like I want for my amazing husband. No one wants to be a fat military wife- but unlike most, I intend to do something about it!
Life is moving along, I really cant complain (much? lol).
I never imagined my life would be so blessed, I am SO thankful to have Mr M & Guppy. <3
This new year will be very eventful. Bring it on 2011!
12.16.2010
11.04.2010
A birthing story.
I finally have a few moments to be able to write out our birthing story. Some people may find that strange, but I want to make sure I write this while the memories are still fresh- each day that goes by, my body works to make me forget the details in hopes of a "next" pregnancy.
Mostly I want to be able to share this story with our son, this being the most important day in our lives, I want this story to live on even when my memories are faded from years of life.
Jacob Russel Gomez was conceived in late November, 2009. We didn't know at the time, and spent much of the next month preparing for the holidays with my family.
We started noticing that I was fatigued more and more easily, and slight changes to my body-
leading to Mr M to suggest that I might be expecting. That was New Years Eve.
New Years Day 2010 I took a test confirming what we had suspected, in 9 short months we would be parents.
I had a really wonderful and easy, no morning sickness to speak of! I slept for 18 to 22 hours a day all of the third and fourth months. Mr M was amazing, making sure I would eat and take my vitamins.
We did all of our blood work & went to get our ultrasounds. I took every test that was offered, and read up on any and all issues that could arise.
The day we found out we were having a boy, we also found out that our son had a hole in his heart. We met with a doctor that explained all the concerns that came up on the ultrasound- they were concerned that he had tested high on a few genetic markers. Namingly for Downe Syndrome, that added to the news of the hole in his heart made for a hard day. But we agreed that I should get an amniocentesis.
Mr M, being afraid of needles, asked for Oma to go with me. It went as well as can be expected for having a 8" needle stabbed through my stomach. Then it was a waiting game for the results.
The fifth month I visited our family in Mass. I had gained 25lbs and was doing very well, even better was getting the news that our guppy was perfectly fine!!!
Most of our pregnancy passed without much ado- more weight gain, lots of movement, and growing excitement.
Waiting was the hardest on both of us. We couldn't wait to meet our little man!
Our first glimmer came on Aug 21st. Daddy was at work & I had settled in for a long night, when our guppy decided to start kicking very hard. Within a couple hours I was having contractions, and they grew in intensity and came closer together.
I texted daddy to come get me for a trip to Labor & Delivery. After a 4 hour stint, they decided to send me home to wait out my labor until I was "in so much pain you cant stand"- riiiiight.
So wait I did, and on the following Monday we went in for my last check up. To my surprise I was STILL in labor, and my BP was way too high.
After a battery of tests, and I was told to go home (again) and wait it out. And so we waited, knowing that we had a whole week before our next Drs apt. Still having contractions and getting frustrated, we spent our time preparing baby things.
Finally on the 30th, I awoke to strong contractions- but knowing I had a apt in a couple of hours, I didn't stress going in any earlier than necessary.
To the Dr we went. Check up was stressful, and my BP was high yet again. But after being checked, our Dr told us to get some blood labs before heading up to L&D.
Today was the day!
We checked in at labor and delivery, changed into my hospital gown and then was hooked up to monitor my contractions. Ultrasounds were taken to measure the fluid around Jacob & make sure everything was going smoothly. Everything was now pointing to us being sent home again, until they decided to check my dilatation again.
Low and behold, 4cm and 75r% effaced. This baby was ready to go.
Daddy went to file all the paperwork for my check in, as I was prepped for a HepLock.
The nurse and her assistant ended up blowing out two veins before they decided to get the anesthesiologist to properly insert the 16 gauge needle and adminiter my drugs.
He and I gained a quick and friendly report. Check in was completed by 3pm and we were moved to our laboring room.
Now checked in and ready, daddy made the calls letting people know Jacob would "soon" be born.
Aunt Kelly decided to visit after work and bring uncle mike too.
By the time she arrived, I was in the process of getting my epidural. It was 6:30pm
& I had waited as long as I could, toughing out each contraction, but to say that pain was intense would be an understatement!
The labor went much faster after that. We read magazines, chatted and laughed as we awaited the arrival of our baby.
Hours went by with steady progress, but we stalled out at hour 17. By then it was apparent that Jacob was "sunny side up", and could not be born in that position.
The next hour was spent prepping for an emergency C-section.
Daddy was given scrubs, and made the calls to family to let them know we were headed to the OR.
I was tied down to a bed, given more drugs to numb me without putting me under.
From the first incision to the time of birth it was 40minutes. Though I wasn't in pain, i felt immense pressure as the surgeon helped Jacob into the world. At this point I was completely out of it due to the various drugs I was given, and could not hold Jacob for fear of dropping him.
Daddy checked on our new family member, while I was stitched up and given oxygen.
Soon thereafter, we were moved to our room to recover. Jacob rested while I was given fluids. Daddy texted and made the calls to announce that Jacob had finally arived!
The next few days yealded little sleep, and a few complications. After pronouncing that I was the most anemic patient they had seen in years, I was given a blood transfusion. The infection that had set in durring labor caused my fever to spike multipul times, and antibiotics were once again needed.
Though it was not ideal, it was the best experience of my life. I wouldnt change a single minute. I wont ever forget the look on my husbands face as he held our son for the first time, or the joy of our family in seeing Jacob happy & healthy.
Even now, I am grateful for everyone that ensured the healthy birth of my precious boy. And though I've tried, words seem to fail in describing the wonderful experience we all shared on Augest 31st.
Mostly I want to be able to share this story with our son, this being the most important day in our lives, I want this story to live on even when my memories are faded from years of life.
Jacob Russel Gomez was conceived in late November, 2009. We didn't know at the time, and spent much of the next month preparing for the holidays with my family.
We started noticing that I was fatigued more and more easily, and slight changes to my body-
leading to Mr M to suggest that I might be expecting. That was New Years Eve.
New Years Day 2010 I took a test confirming what we had suspected, in 9 short months we would be parents.
I had a really wonderful and easy, no morning sickness to speak of! I slept for 18 to 22 hours a day all of the third and fourth months. Mr M was amazing, making sure I would eat and take my vitamins.
We did all of our blood work & went to get our ultrasounds. I took every test that was offered, and read up on any and all issues that could arise.
The day we found out we were having a boy, we also found out that our son had a hole in his heart. We met with a doctor that explained all the concerns that came up on the ultrasound- they were concerned that he had tested high on a few genetic markers. Namingly for Downe Syndrome, that added to the news of the hole in his heart made for a hard day. But we agreed that I should get an amniocentesis.
Mr M, being afraid of needles, asked for Oma to go with me. It went as well as can be expected for having a 8" needle stabbed through my stomach. Then it was a waiting game for the results.
The fifth month I visited our family in Mass. I had gained 25lbs and was doing very well, even better was getting the news that our guppy was perfectly fine!!!
Most of our pregnancy passed without much ado- more weight gain, lots of movement, and growing excitement.
Waiting was the hardest on both of us. We couldn't wait to meet our little man!
Our first glimmer came on Aug 21st. Daddy was at work & I had settled in for a long night, when our guppy decided to start kicking very hard. Within a couple hours I was having contractions, and they grew in intensity and came closer together.
I texted daddy to come get me for a trip to Labor & Delivery. After a 4 hour stint, they decided to send me home to wait out my labor until I was "in so much pain you cant stand"- riiiiight.
So wait I did, and on the following Monday we went in for my last check up. To my surprise I was STILL in labor, and my BP was way too high.
After a battery of tests, and I was told to go home (again) and wait it out. And so we waited, knowing that we had a whole week before our next Drs apt. Still having contractions and getting frustrated, we spent our time preparing baby things.
Finally on the 30th, I awoke to strong contractions- but knowing I had a apt in a couple of hours, I didn't stress going in any earlier than necessary.
To the Dr we went. Check up was stressful, and my BP was high yet again. But after being checked, our Dr told us to get some blood labs before heading up to L&D.
Today was the day!
We checked in at labor and delivery, changed into my hospital gown and then was hooked up to monitor my contractions. Ultrasounds were taken to measure the fluid around Jacob & make sure everything was going smoothly. Everything was now pointing to us being sent home again, until they decided to check my dilatation again.
Low and behold, 4cm and 75r% effaced. This baby was ready to go.
Daddy went to file all the paperwork for my check in, as I was prepped for a HepLock.
The nurse and her assistant ended up blowing out two veins before they decided to get the anesthesiologist to properly insert the 16 gauge needle and adminiter my drugs.
He and I gained a quick and friendly report. Check in was completed by 3pm and we were moved to our laboring room.
Now checked in and ready, daddy made the calls letting people know Jacob would "soon" be born.
Aunt Kelly decided to visit after work and bring uncle mike too.
By the time she arrived, I was in the process of getting my epidural. It was 6:30pm
& I had waited as long as I could, toughing out each contraction, but to say that pain was intense would be an understatement!
The labor went much faster after that. We read magazines, chatted and laughed as we awaited the arrival of our baby.
Hours went by with steady progress, but we stalled out at hour 17. By then it was apparent that Jacob was "sunny side up", and could not be born in that position.
The next hour was spent prepping for an emergency C-section.
Daddy was given scrubs, and made the calls to family to let them know we were headed to the OR.
I was tied down to a bed, given more drugs to numb me without putting me under.
From the first incision to the time of birth it was 40minutes. Though I wasn't in pain, i felt immense pressure as the surgeon helped Jacob into the world. At this point I was completely out of it due to the various drugs I was given, and could not hold Jacob for fear of dropping him.
Daddy checked on our new family member, while I was stitched up and given oxygen.
Soon thereafter, we were moved to our room to recover. Jacob rested while I was given fluids. Daddy texted and made the calls to announce that Jacob had finally arived!
The next few days yealded little sleep, and a few complications. After pronouncing that I was the most anemic patient they had seen in years, I was given a blood transfusion. The infection that had set in durring labor caused my fever to spike multipul times, and antibiotics were once again needed.
Though it was not ideal, it was the best experience of my life. I wouldnt change a single minute. I wont ever forget the look on my husbands face as he held our son for the first time, or the joy of our family in seeing Jacob happy & healthy.
Even now, I am grateful for everyone that ensured the healthy birth of my precious boy. And though I've tried, words seem to fail in describing the wonderful experience we all shared on Augest 31st.
Catching up.
Life has been hectic for the last month or so- and while things have gotten SO much better, I should still recap some of the "happenings" that took place.
We finally moved into our new place- I LOVE it. Large kitchen, gas forced air, fireplace, great neighborhood (includes a sheriff living next door!), master bedroom with private bathroom... I could go on and on. Mr M defiantly found us a 10 in my eyes. Most of all we finally have the room we so desperately needed to stay sane.
Joe has stepped it up in a big way. He transferred jobs within the same company as to get better hours & better pay. He's been taking care of himself more and more and relying on us less and less each day. I'm optimistic.
Had a "date day" with Mr M. Guppy spent the majority of the day with my parents- Mr M & I ate lunch, and caught a movie, ate dinner and then had time to just be alone. It was nice to just be "us" for a few hours. Though by the end of the day, we were both missing the guppy & couldn't wait to get him back home with us.
This new chapter in our lives is starting to work for us, we are feeling better and better about it all the time. We are finding ways to work out the kinks & growing this marriage into what it should be once again.
I finally feel like we are back on track, moving forward and making the progress we need.
Lord, I thank you for this blessed life I lead.
We finally moved into our new place- I LOVE it. Large kitchen, gas forced air, fireplace, great neighborhood (includes a sheriff living next door!), master bedroom with private bathroom... I could go on and on. Mr M defiantly found us a 10 in my eyes. Most of all we finally have the room we so desperately needed to stay sane.
Joe has stepped it up in a big way. He transferred jobs within the same company as to get better hours & better pay. He's been taking care of himself more and more and relying on us less and less each day. I'm optimistic.
Had a "date day" with Mr M. Guppy spent the majority of the day with my parents- Mr M & I ate lunch, and caught a movie, ate dinner and then had time to just be alone. It was nice to just be "us" for a few hours. Though by the end of the day, we were both missing the guppy & couldn't wait to get him back home with us.
This new chapter in our lives is starting to work for us, we are feeling better and better about it all the time. We are finding ways to work out the kinks & growing this marriage into what it should be once again.
I finally feel like we are back on track, moving forward and making the progress we need.
Lord, I thank you for this blessed life I lead.
11.02.2010
Cloud breaks & clear skies.
It's been a while since my last post, life kind of picks up and you get carried away (from the computer mostly!).
A lot has changed in the last month, and I am happy to say for the better!
We had an amazing visit with my parents, everyone got along swimmingly & the guppy did better than expected with all the attention of "new" people.
MiMi and Poppa love their newest grandson & spent most of their free time visiting with the little guy. My father also loved meeting his new son-in-laws.
Lots of dinners, lunches, talks over morning coffee and a few trips to the gun range later- we said good bye for now.. June 2011 cant come soon enough!
10.09.2010
Wits end.
I feel drained. Lacking in all regards.
Not a fun feeling, and worse off is knowing it wont get better any time soon.
Life is amazing now that guppy is here, but everything is just too tense and resentment seems to be breeding at an all time high.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my life, but this PPD is kicking my ass and Mr M and I are far from our normal selves.
Just too much resentment in the air, I feel like we are drowning in it. We all are.
Mr M resents: that I don't work, that we had a baby so soon, that he is the sole breadwinner and that he feels under appreciated for all the work he does, that he cant go out with his friends, that he cant spend his money on whatever he wants- the list goes on and on. Add that to his growing frustrations about my over all attitude and it makes for a tumultuous marriage at the moment.
I resent: that I am home alone 24/7 with guppy, that I get zero adult conversations, that I cant get a single moment alone, that I am expected to carry on all the household chores and take care of guppy simultaneously, that Mr M cant seem to understand ANYthing I am feeling, that Joe has become a bigger pain in the ass than either of us imagined, that Mr M & I cant have a much needed talk (let alone the fight) we need to clear the air because we are never alone.
All this is just adding up too quickly. As much as I try to keep my emotions in check, I cant.
Nothing feels right in my body or mind, I feel off balance and unable to find solid ground.
Its a sinking feeling, and as much as I fight it, the bottom is falling out.
Whats worse is that Mr M feels it too, and I'm not sure how this all is going to play out anymore.
The only thing keeping me grounded through this all is our guppy. His love is unconditional, and no judgement is passed. He's my little sunspot in this storm that's growing worse each day.
I'm hoping the next two weeks of pomp and circumstance help calm us all, and that this move gives us all more clear air to breathe.
Lord make me a bird.
Not a fun feeling, and worse off is knowing it wont get better any time soon.
Life is amazing now that guppy is here, but everything is just too tense and resentment seems to be breeding at an all time high.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my life, but this PPD is kicking my ass and Mr M and I are far from our normal selves.
Just too much resentment in the air, I feel like we are drowning in it. We all are.
Mr M resents: that I don't work, that we had a baby so soon, that he is the sole breadwinner and that he feels under appreciated for all the work he does, that he cant go out with his friends, that he cant spend his money on whatever he wants- the list goes on and on. Add that to his growing frustrations about my over all attitude and it makes for a tumultuous marriage at the moment.
I resent: that I am home alone 24/7 with guppy, that I get zero adult conversations, that I cant get a single moment alone, that I am expected to carry on all the household chores and take care of guppy simultaneously, that Mr M cant seem to understand ANYthing I am feeling, that Joe has become a bigger pain in the ass than either of us imagined, that Mr M & I cant have a much needed talk (let alone the fight) we need to clear the air because we are never alone.
All this is just adding up too quickly. As much as I try to keep my emotions in check, I cant.
Nothing feels right in my body or mind, I feel off balance and unable to find solid ground.
Its a sinking feeling, and as much as I fight it, the bottom is falling out.
Whats worse is that Mr M feels it too, and I'm not sure how this all is going to play out anymore.
The only thing keeping me grounded through this all is our guppy. His love is unconditional, and no judgement is passed. He's my little sunspot in this storm that's growing worse each day.
I'm hoping the next two weeks of pomp and circumstance help calm us all, and that this move gives us all more clear air to breathe.
Lord make me a bird.
10.02.2010
Stress.
Or more-so, "stressED".
Less than a month until we have to have a new home to live in. Though it is really up to Mr M where we will eventually end up, I worry about the stress it puts on him.
The cost, the placement, locations, calling and making appts, actually moving. All of this while working AND his worring about me and our guppy (this is now what I will refer to our son as IB).
Add that to the stress of his brother being as useful as a bump on a log, and I don't know how he does it.
He is truly Superman.
I cant help but worry about it all.
A close second to the housing stress is in dealing with Joe.
I worry that we are investing all too much into him staying here- when I really feel we will have to send him home shortly.
Mostly for his lack of effort. Never have I dealt with someone who puts on such airs of entitlement. Someone who acts like walking is too much effort, that the job he has isn't good enough for him, or who relies on everyone else to coddle him and cater to his needs.
Thankfully, a big bright spot in this month will come from the east coast.
My poppa and mom are flying in to visit guppy & us. I am very much so looking forward to them meeting Mr M for the first time as well as guppy.
A whole week of them here should clear a lot of this grime I have been feeling about "family".
Nothing like having my parents close to put things right again.
Lord help us- this month is full of big changes.
Less than a month until we have to have a new home to live in. Though it is really up to Mr M where we will eventually end up, I worry about the stress it puts on him.
The cost, the placement, locations, calling and making appts, actually moving. All of this while working AND his worring about me and our guppy (this is now what I will refer to our son as IB).
Add that to the stress of his brother being as useful as a bump on a log, and I don't know how he does it.
He is truly Superman.
I cant help but worry about it all.
A close second to the housing stress is in dealing with Joe.
I worry that we are investing all too much into him staying here- when I really feel we will have to send him home shortly.
Mostly for his lack of effort. Never have I dealt with someone who puts on such airs of entitlement. Someone who acts like walking is too much effort, that the job he has isn't good enough for him, or who relies on everyone else to coddle him and cater to his needs.
Thankfully, a big bright spot in this month will come from the east coast.
My poppa and mom are flying in to visit guppy & us. I am very much so looking forward to them meeting Mr M for the first time as well as guppy.
A whole week of them here should clear a lot of this grime I have been feeling about "family".
Nothing like having my parents close to put things right again.
Lord help us- this month is full of big changes.
9.26.2010
One month.
In a little over 7 hours- Jacob will be "officially" a month old.
Woah.
That is a HUGE deal. It's hard to think that he's been here that long already, but it's like he's always been here.
I couldn't be happier to have our beautiful son with us. We waited so long & having him here every day is a true blessing!
Though it's frustrating, tiring and at times overwhelming- Being Jacobs mom is my favorite thing in the world (next to being Mr Ms wife that is)...
I look forward to the coming days, weeks, months and years. This is the biggest undertaking of our lives, but I know it's going to be amazing!
Woah.
That is a HUGE deal. It's hard to think that he's been here that long already, but it's like he's always been here.
I couldn't be happier to have our beautiful son with us. We waited so long & having him here every day is a true blessing!
Though it's frustrating, tiring and at times overwhelming- Being Jacobs mom is my favorite thing in the world (next to being Mr Ms wife that is)...
I look forward to the coming days, weeks, months and years. This is the biggest undertaking of our lives, but I know it's going to be amazing!
Too busy being mommy.
Don't you just love when dinner turns into a night out?
And even better when that night out means closing down the bar?!?
Oh wait.
And even better when that night out means closing down the bar?!?
Oh wait.
8.26.2010
Shady Mc-Shaderson.
Maybe it's my paranoid hormones, but I get the sinking feeling of "shadiness" going on.
I'm in no way shape or form a fan of that feeling. It breeds distrust.
It could be that I'm just overly worried, or it could be a gut feeling- that's the scary part.
The gut feeling one, ya know- the one that usually leads to me finding things I don't like.
So here I am, feeling like a psychopath, reading into every word...hoping that it's nothing and that I'm just imagining things.
Like the deleting texts from certain people, the late night facebook searches of females, craigslist and such.
Lord help me calm this sinking feeling, before I drown in it.
I'm in no way shape or form a fan of that feeling. It breeds distrust.
It could be that I'm just overly worried, or it could be a gut feeling- that's the scary part.
The gut feeling one, ya know- the one that usually leads to me finding things I don't like.
So here I am, feeling like a psychopath, reading into every word...hoping that it's nothing and that I'm just imagining things.
Like the deleting texts from certain people, the late night facebook searches of females, craigslist and such.
Lord help me calm this sinking feeling, before I drown in it.
8.20.2010
Two weeks to go!
Close but not close enough for my liking!!
With two weeks till our due date- things are coming together in the Gomez household.
Finally (legally) changed my last name, had the baby shower, started deep cleaning the house to prep for baby Jacob.... Still feels like there is tons to do, but we are a pretty laid back couple Mr M & I- so not really stressing over the small stuff. I think it's going to be a big help to us once Jacob finally decides to show.
LB (Joe) is flying in in 5 days- so it will be a little crowded in the house, mostly the bathroom... as I have to pee every 30 minutes, but we will make it work =)
Mr M has a cold, mostly from sitting in front of a fan every chance he gets- and he's had a post-nasal drip for over a month and refuses to see the Dr.
Oh how stubborn my husband can be- with that being said, I now have a bit of a cold as well.
Hopefully we feel better soon, this weekend is a going away party for one of our friends, as well as time that we need to finish up the guest room for LB & cleaning all of Jacobs things.
On an amazing side note- we had Jacobs shower, and despite the large number of guests that bailed last minute (including Jacobs Oma, though she DID have the flu...) we rolled with it and invited some of the boys last minute. It turned out SO much better than I had hoped.
The decorations were so damn cute, the food was awesome, the company was THE BEST a girl could ask for!
I felt so blessed to have such great family & friends there, and Jacob will be equally blessed to have these people in his life!
I am hoping to use some of Mr M's paternity time off to send out our thank-you notes, as we were given so many essential things for Jacob, including: His stroller & car seat combo, his Pack-n-play crib/bassinet, clothes & swaddlers, Blankets and crib set, (and my personal fave) a boppy & cover!
We still have a few things we need to get like bath items, more burp cloths and surely more diapers.... But with the major things out of the way, I feel prepared enough for him to show up any day now!
All in all, I'm a very happy woman.
With two weeks till our due date- things are coming together in the Gomez household.
Finally (legally) changed my last name, had the baby shower, started deep cleaning the house to prep for baby Jacob.... Still feels like there is tons to do, but we are a pretty laid back couple Mr M & I- so not really stressing over the small stuff. I think it's going to be a big help to us once Jacob finally decides to show.
LB (Joe) is flying in in 5 days- so it will be a little crowded in the house, mostly the bathroom... as I have to pee every 30 minutes, but we will make it work =)
Mr M has a cold, mostly from sitting in front of a fan every chance he gets- and he's had a post-nasal drip for over a month and refuses to see the Dr.
Oh how stubborn my husband can be- with that being said, I now have a bit of a cold as well.
Hopefully we feel better soon, this weekend is a going away party for one of our friends, as well as time that we need to finish up the guest room for LB & cleaning all of Jacobs things.
On an amazing side note- we had Jacobs shower, and despite the large number of guests that bailed last minute (including Jacobs Oma, though she DID have the flu...) we rolled with it and invited some of the boys last minute. It turned out SO much better than I had hoped.
The decorations were so damn cute, the food was awesome, the company was THE BEST a girl could ask for!
I felt so blessed to have such great family & friends there, and Jacob will be equally blessed to have these people in his life!
I am hoping to use some of Mr M's paternity time off to send out our thank-you notes, as we were given so many essential things for Jacob, including: His stroller & car seat combo, his Pack-n-play crib/bassinet, clothes & swaddlers, Blankets and crib set, (and my personal fave) a boppy & cover!
We still have a few things we need to get like bath items, more burp cloths and surely more diapers.... But with the major things out of the way, I feel prepared enough for him to show up any day now!
All in all, I'm a very happy woman.
8.11.2010
Asdfdghjkl....
Ughhhg.
I hate feeling like this- I'm just done. I really cant even muster the will to care at this point.
Which is a half truth, you don't cry if you don't care- so apparently I still care enough somewhere in this body of mine to have hurt feelings.
I'd just rather not at this point though. I have too much running through my head without constantly being let down over things that really matter at the end of the day.
Well at least they matter to me.
It feels petty and selfish, but in the end I sometimes need things too.
With Jacob almost here, I cant help wanting to hold onto "our" time, but unfortunately- "our" time isn't a priority when it can so easily be replaced by other people and events I am excluded from.
Lord make me a stone.
I hate feeling like this- I'm just done. I really cant even muster the will to care at this point.
Which is a half truth, you don't cry if you don't care- so apparently I still care enough somewhere in this body of mine to have hurt feelings.
I'd just rather not at this point though. I have too much running through my head without constantly being let down over things that really matter at the end of the day.
Well at least they matter to me.
It feels petty and selfish, but in the end I sometimes need things too.
With Jacob almost here, I cant help wanting to hold onto "our" time, but unfortunately- "our" time isn't a priority when it can so easily be replaced by other people and events I am excluded from.
Lord make me a stone.
7.31.2010
Overwhelmed and under-preforming.
The last week has kicked my butt.
Jacob is SO heavy, and still growning in these last few weeks till he is due.
It's been keeping me up at night, making bathroom breaks a necessity every 30 minutes and causing more muscle to be torn.
Don't get me wrong- it's all worth it. But I'd love to be able to sleep like a normal human for just a couple nights!
My energy is WAY down, making me pretty much useless at the house. Chores have been put to the side so I can rest. Thankfully Mr M is AMAZING, so thoughtful and kind in regards to the whole thing.
I've been trying to use my short bursts of energy to make food in our crock pot or to bake something so at least we have something to eat while I try to pull my body out of this funk.
I plan on tackling the clean laundry tonight, at least to get the shirts on hangers. To keep my spirits up I made a quick batch of Preacher cookies.
They are a no-bake stove-top cookie, made with Oats, peanut butter and chocolate. Yumm!
Lately I've been listening to Micheal Bauble, and looking through Etsy for knitted baby hats for this winter.
Trying to be productive is usually the very opposite. Facebook & Blogging really don't count for "real life" accomplishments, but it's getting me to at least plan out dinners for when Jacob gets here.
So wish me luck- that laundry wont fold it's self, and though Mr M would eventually get around to it- he does SO much already.
Lord help me I love that man.
Jacob is SO heavy, and still growning in these last few weeks till he is due.
It's been keeping me up at night, making bathroom breaks a necessity every 30 minutes and causing more muscle to be torn.
Don't get me wrong- it's all worth it. But I'd love to be able to sleep like a normal human for just a couple nights!
My energy is WAY down, making me pretty much useless at the house. Chores have been put to the side so I can rest. Thankfully Mr M is AMAZING, so thoughtful and kind in regards to the whole thing.
I've been trying to use my short bursts of energy to make food in our crock pot or to bake something so at least we have something to eat while I try to pull my body out of this funk.
I plan on tackling the clean laundry tonight, at least to get the shirts on hangers. To keep my spirits up I made a quick batch of Preacher cookies.
They are a no-bake stove-top cookie, made with Oats, peanut butter and chocolate. Yumm!
Lately I've been listening to Micheal Bauble, and looking through Etsy for knitted baby hats for this winter.
Trying to be productive is usually the very opposite. Facebook & Blogging really don't count for "real life" accomplishments, but it's getting me to at least plan out dinners for when Jacob gets here.
So wish me luck- that laundry wont fold it's self, and though Mr M would eventually get around to it- he does SO much already.
Lord help me I love that man.
7.24.2010
Lists & listlessness.
Things are picking up pace- though it doesn't really feel like it.
These next few weeks will be very full of various preparations.
Preparations for Jacob: Baby shower, hospital bag packing.
Preparations for Joe: Pick up at air port, get him on the lease, get him settled for work.
Preparations for Kelly: Keep Mike on track to have house finished, clean & ready when she gets back.
Preparations for us: Shopping and cooking so we all can eat well during my recovery, disinfecting the house, nesting for the baby.
So many lists of "things to do" are in my head- though I cant seem to get them down on paper in a non-cluttered and coherent manner.
Then to top it off, the weather is about 20 degrees higher than I would like. & I ate all my Otter Pops.. Even the purple ones!
(quick side note: my entire life I thought the red Otter Pops were Cherry flavored. Wrong. They are Strawberry flavored. I've avoided eating them for 24 years... WTF)
So I'm hoping Mr M will remember to pick me up a 5lb bag of ice "today" after work- that way I can at least eat ice chips while the heat wave passes us for the next three days.
Lord help me- I feel very lost in all this seafoam.
These next few weeks will be very full of various preparations.
Preparations for Jacob: Baby shower, hospital bag packing.
Preparations for Joe: Pick up at air port, get him on the lease, get him settled for work.
Preparations for Kelly: Keep Mike on track to have house finished, clean & ready when she gets back.
Preparations for us: Shopping and cooking so we all can eat well during my recovery, disinfecting the house, nesting for the baby.
So many lists of "things to do" are in my head- though I cant seem to get them down on paper in a non-cluttered and coherent manner.
Then to top it off, the weather is about 20 degrees higher than I would like. & I ate all my Otter Pops.. Even the purple ones!
(quick side note: my entire life I thought the red Otter Pops were Cherry flavored. Wrong. They are Strawberry flavored. I've avoided eating them for 24 years... WTF)
So I'm hoping Mr M will remember to pick me up a 5lb bag of ice "today" after work- that way I can at least eat ice chips while the heat wave passes us for the next three days.
Lord help me- I feel very lost in all this seafoam.
7.15.2010
Things that stand out.
Over the last year I've really come to appreciate a multitude of "facts/ideas/realizations".
These are the ones that stand out:
*My husband; Cant live without him, love of my life, AMAZING (in bed and out), thoughtful, kind, Sexxxxy, provider, good man, friend & husband, BEST thing to happen to my life.
*My son; Next to my husband- he's the greatest thing to happen to me in my whole life, Mr M Jr, my cuddle monster, fills my heart and brings life to our little family.
*Finer things in life; over-rated, not needed, come at a cost I'm often not willing to pay.
*EXs; of all sorts are left in the past for a reason- they never belonged in your future!!
*Rice Krispy Treats; forgotten favorite treat of childhoods past, instant hit at cookouts!
*Cows milk; I've never drank so much in my adult life as I have this year, it still grosses me out.
*Men crying; quite laughable, mostly for show, very ugly.
*Women crying; overly dramatic, annoys me instantly.
*The gym; I miss it, I cant wait to return so I can get my old (and hopefully a better) body back.
*End of the world theories; Just cause you realise you will die at some point- doesn't mean its the end of the WHOLE world ass-hat.
*Being pregnant; not what I thought it would be like, C-sections scare the shit outta me.
This is just a few of the many topics I could go off of.... Though I'd rather get back to sleeping next to my main man than continue this purge of late night blog ideas. =)
These are the ones that stand out:
*My husband; Cant live without him, love of my life, AMAZING (in bed and out), thoughtful, kind, Sexxxxy, provider, good man, friend & husband, BEST thing to happen to my life.
*My son; Next to my husband- he's the greatest thing to happen to me in my whole life, Mr M Jr, my cuddle monster, fills my heart and brings life to our little family.
*Finer things in life; over-rated, not needed, come at a cost I'm often not willing to pay.
*EXs; of all sorts are left in the past for a reason- they never belonged in your future!!
*Rice Krispy Treats; forgotten favorite treat of childhoods past, instant hit at cookouts!
*Cows milk; I've never drank so much in my adult life as I have this year, it still grosses me out.
*Men crying; quite laughable, mostly for show, very ugly.
*Women crying; overly dramatic, annoys me instantly.
*The gym; I miss it, I cant wait to return so I can get my old (and hopefully a better) body back.
*End of the world theories; Just cause you realise you will die at some point- doesn't mean its the end of the WHOLE world ass-hat.
*Being pregnant; not what I thought it would be like, C-sections scare the shit outta me.
*Things I don't miss; The people I've cut out of my life, Cigs, getting hardcore drunk, "having to go out" every night of the week, hangovers.
*Things I DO miss; A cold beer once in a while, having smaller boobs, peeing only 3 or 4 times a day, balance & coordination, being able to see my feet, tanning, wearing short shorts.This is just a few of the many topics I could go off of.... Though I'd rather get back to sleeping next to my main man than continue this purge of late night blog ideas. =)
7.10.2010
Catching up.
Lord help me it's been a busy couple of weeks (since I last posted really).
Had a great visit with Mr M's little brother- and as a result, LB now is looking to move to WA to live with us while he starts his new life in "adulthood". It's pretty exciting for all of us, I know Mr M enjoyed having the company of family & it's a healthy choice to have him move away from TX.
The last few days have been hellish- though mostly because of a sudden heat wave that chose to hit WA. 90 degree temperatures do not agree with most people, let alone my very pregnant body.
Add that to no AC, and living on the third floor- the average temp in our house was easily 70+.
On top of that the compressor broke in our fridge early one morning, leaving us without ice/cold water and leaving what food we had ruined. The only good thing is we now have a new fridge that is SUPER cold!
MR M's "Friday" is tonight, so while he catches up on sleep in the morning- I'll be headed to my sisters to pick up gifts for a friends baby shower. (this being the second baby shower for me to attend in one weekend mind you)
I'm excited to get threw to payday this week, re-stock our kitchen, get my list of "extras" that I've been wanting for the house and maybe catch a movie with my main man ("men" if you count the one I'm carrying) and enjoy the cooler "yet still summer" weather we will be having these next couple of weeks.
As for an update on baby- I have a Dr's app on Monday, looking forward to discussing a birth plan and get my labor ward walk through set up.
Only 8 (or less?) weeks till our little guy gets here, I'm so excited to finally meet him. More so I'm excited to have a Mr M jr, as they are already so much alike and show interest in each other (aka: Jacob is a TOTAL daddy's boy already!!!)
Life is just moving right along, & I couldn't be happier =)
Had a great visit with Mr M's little brother- and as a result, LB now is looking to move to WA to live with us while he starts his new life in "adulthood". It's pretty exciting for all of us, I know Mr M enjoyed having the company of family & it's a healthy choice to have him move away from TX.
The last few days have been hellish- though mostly because of a sudden heat wave that chose to hit WA. 90 degree temperatures do not agree with most people, let alone my very pregnant body.
Add that to no AC, and living on the third floor- the average temp in our house was easily 70+.
On top of that the compressor broke in our fridge early one morning, leaving us without ice/cold water and leaving what food we had ruined. The only good thing is we now have a new fridge that is SUPER cold!
MR M's "Friday" is tonight, so while he catches up on sleep in the morning- I'll be headed to my sisters to pick up gifts for a friends baby shower. (this being the second baby shower for me to attend in one weekend mind you)
I'm excited to get threw to payday this week, re-stock our kitchen, get my list of "extras" that I've been wanting for the house and maybe catch a movie with my main man ("men" if you count the one I'm carrying) and enjoy the cooler "yet still summer" weather we will be having these next couple of weeks.
As for an update on baby- I have a Dr's app on Monday, looking forward to discussing a birth plan and get my labor ward walk through set up.
Only 8 (or less?) weeks till our little guy gets here, I'm so excited to finally meet him. More so I'm excited to have a Mr M jr, as they are already so much alike and show interest in each other (aka: Jacob is a TOTAL daddy's boy already!!!)
Life is just moving right along, & I couldn't be happier =)
6.28.2010
Braxton.
& I don't mean Tony.
Less than 10 weeks left till our little man gets here, I'm getting more and more excited to meet him!
Though I could do without the Braxton Hicks everyday. Nothing fun about "false labor", I'd rather have heart burn again!
Life has been moving right along. My young brother in law has made the trip up to spend some time with Mr M & I.
I'm enjoying seeing Mr M as a "big brother", he's cute (and more than a little jerky at times) but all in all it's a welcome change. As an added bonus, Mr M has taken leave for the next week so we can go and sight see!
Lord, I am a blessed woman =)
Less than 10 weeks left till our little man gets here, I'm getting more and more excited to meet him!
Though I could do without the Braxton Hicks everyday. Nothing fun about "false labor", I'd rather have heart burn again!
Life has been moving right along. My young brother in law has made the trip up to spend some time with Mr M & I.
I'm enjoying seeing Mr M as a "big brother", he's cute (and more than a little jerky at times) but all in all it's a welcome change. As an added bonus, Mr M has taken leave for the next week so we can go and sight see!
Lord, I am a blessed woman =)
6.14.2010
Summer lovin.
Words cant say how wonderful it is to have the summer season back in the PNW.
Our home gets an amazing breeze that comes off the waterfront a few miles away, the sun has made it's triumphant return- at least for the next two months...
Mr M has a short trip to NC again- but I'll be busy house/puppy sitting for my sister.
When he gets home, we will be hosting his younger brother while he is here for a visit.
This gives us great reasons to head up to Seattle for "sight seeing", a trip to the zoo, and spend the 4th with our family setting off fire works (purchased on the reserve- so you know they'll be good!)
I'm hoping for some tubing in the next few weeks, while I can still fit my belly in a tube!
BBQs & back yard parties are just around the corner. That means I'll be making yummie treats to take over (most likely trifle, Mr M's fav)
This season holds so many memories for me, just a year ago I was starting my new life-
Here we are again, & this year seems to promise even better memories to be had!!
<3
Our home gets an amazing breeze that comes off the waterfront a few miles away, the sun has made it's triumphant return- at least for the next two months...
Mr M has a short trip to NC again- but I'll be busy house/puppy sitting for my sister.
When he gets home, we will be hosting his younger brother while he is here for a visit.
This gives us great reasons to head up to Seattle for "sight seeing", a trip to the zoo, and spend the 4th with our family setting off fire works (purchased on the reserve- so you know they'll be good!)
I'm hoping for some tubing in the next few weeks, while I can still fit my belly in a tube!
BBQs & back yard parties are just around the corner. That means I'll be making yummie treats to take over (most likely trifle, Mr M's fav)
This season holds so many memories for me, just a year ago I was starting my new life-
Here we are again, & this year seems to promise even better memories to be had!!
<3
6.09.2010
So thankful.
With all the bad that happens around us, we often don't give enough praise to the people who keep our lives special and meaningful.
1:My husband; He is my knight in shining armor, my provider, lover & best friend. When I hurt, he takes the lead- fixing what he can, and making sure I'm alright. He protects our family, ALL of our family, like no man I have ever seen- I admire that quality more and more each day.
I love him the most, I don't know how I ever became so lucky as to have such a great man as my partner in life.
2:My sister; My other half, quite literally the ying to my yang. She keeps me humble and grounded, and is there whenever I need her. She knows me to a fault- and I her. She is true beauty, inside and out. It's taken me all my life to fully appreciate her kindness and loving nature, her firm guidance and high standards. She has helped me become a better person, I owe her a lifetime of thanks.
We make a great team, and her hard work ethic and high moral standard are unequal to any other. She IS my other half.
3:My Holly June; Never had I dreamed of finding such a treasure in the hell hole of my past.
A more loyal or faithful friend cannot easily be found, nor one more ready to share a friendship when the stakes are stacked against you. We are so very similar in likes, a kindred soul that loves tanning, puppies and a happy meal. Whats not to love about someone you call a best friend?
4:Timmy & Ling; I cant be more thankful to have a couple to enjoy time with. Each individual is rich in qualities like loyalty, humor, intelligence and veracity. But together, pure magic. It is rare to find a pair that complements my husband and I so well- our interests are so similar, so on point- that we always enjoy ourselves while in their company. A true blessing of friendship.
5:Sergy; The godfather to my son, my extended family- He welcomed me with open arms and a cold one in hand. A mans man, a loving brother in law. He's ride or die till the end. I trust him with all my heart, and respect him immensely. Now if he'd get his butt back home, I've got some cooking to do- and that's how he KNOWS I love him.
This could go on forever- The point is, people really need to be able to vocalise their love and admiration for one another. This world would be so much better off if we all could stop to appreciate how the people around us enrich our lives each day. I know I'm making the effort, you never know when a person will need to hear how much they are loved most.
1:My husband; He is my knight in shining armor, my provider, lover & best friend. When I hurt, he takes the lead- fixing what he can, and making sure I'm alright. He protects our family, ALL of our family, like no man I have ever seen- I admire that quality more and more each day.
I love him the most, I don't know how I ever became so lucky as to have such a great man as my partner in life.
2:My sister; My other half, quite literally the ying to my yang. She keeps me humble and grounded, and is there whenever I need her. She knows me to a fault- and I her. She is true beauty, inside and out. It's taken me all my life to fully appreciate her kindness and loving nature, her firm guidance and high standards. She has helped me become a better person, I owe her a lifetime of thanks.
We make a great team, and her hard work ethic and high moral standard are unequal to any other. She IS my other half.
3:My Holly June; Never had I dreamed of finding such a treasure in the hell hole of my past.
A more loyal or faithful friend cannot easily be found, nor one more ready to share a friendship when the stakes are stacked against you. We are so very similar in likes, a kindred soul that loves tanning, puppies and a happy meal. Whats not to love about someone you call a best friend?
4:Timmy & Ling; I cant be more thankful to have a couple to enjoy time with. Each individual is rich in qualities like loyalty, humor, intelligence and veracity. But together, pure magic. It is rare to find a pair that complements my husband and I so well- our interests are so similar, so on point- that we always enjoy ourselves while in their company. A true blessing of friendship.
5:Sergy; The godfather to my son, my extended family- He welcomed me with open arms and a cold one in hand. A mans man, a loving brother in law. He's ride or die till the end. I trust him with all my heart, and respect him immensely. Now if he'd get his butt back home, I've got some cooking to do- and that's how he KNOWS I love him.
This could go on forever- The point is, people really need to be able to vocalise their love and admiration for one another. This world would be so much better off if we all could stop to appreciate how the people around us enrich our lives each day. I know I'm making the effort, you never know when a person will need to hear how much they are loved most.
I should get paid for this.
Who ever thought I'd be so damn good at figuring out other peoples issues?!?
If say I had the 160gs and the next 6 years free, I'm sure I could make this into a profession.
Oorrrrr I could just be a big fake ala Dr Phil, and rake in millions.
I never expected to get such a grounded out look on relationships and communication from all the crappy years I couldn't help my self in my own bad situations.
Lord you work in funny ways.... I'm just thankful I am able to effectively say what others cannot.
Better still is that I can do so without placing "blame" and actually get things working for others again.
Holy ish, it's not as cool as a super power- but it sure feels like it's saving some lives =)
If say I had the 160gs and the next 6 years free, I'm sure I could make this into a profession.
Oorrrrr I could just be a big fake ala Dr Phil, and rake in millions.
I never expected to get such a grounded out look on relationships and communication from all the crappy years I couldn't help my self in my own bad situations.
Lord you work in funny ways.... I'm just thankful I am able to effectively say what others cannot.
Better still is that I can do so without placing "blame" and actually get things working for others again.
Holy ish, it's not as cool as a super power- but it sure feels like it's saving some lives =)
6.08.2010
Some people-
Just wont ever get it. Period.
Sometimes you just wont be able to empathize with a person over a situation you've never been in, sometimes its just not possible.
Seeing a friend go though a similar situation that I've lived though is hard. It brings up the feelings I once had to go through. Even more so because I know our situations are connected by a leach of a human (ie: my EX being an ass and encouraging others to act like him)
It's a sickening feeling.
Though on one hand it feels like karma, as she stood up for my ex and his "logic" when it was happening to me. On the other, I'd never wish this upon anyone.
Its poison in your veins. A feeling of your skin crawling, you want to scream but nothing makes you feel better. This "sickness" I know she is feeling every second of every day. A sinking hole in your body that never seems to fill- no matter how much to try to close it off with positive thinking. You feel insane, you think terrible things. You wish to break things, him, that slut, your self. Your face burns from shame, you feel worthless and alone. Nothing ebbs the constant feeling of bile in your throat.
You know this person is not worth these feelings, you may even be glad it's all over. But nothing can take away the sting of betrayal. Nothing can change the fact that you were LEFT.
You were left for a "piece of ass". You put in years of work, sacrificed everything, gave your all- and for what? To be treated like you were NOTHING.
Ouch.
In the end you cant eat, the only thing you wish to drink needs a hard edge, & you pray for a sleep you wont wake up from.
It's harsh, and no one knows how bad it feels inside your own mind, because you put on a brave face.
But it should pass quickly right? Wrong.
She's a week into this, it took me three years to fully get over mine.
I can only pray that she will heal quickly.
What makes it worse is people adding their two cents.
It's a hard thing- having to tell people that not only were you left, but that they now know you are hurting. It's extra judgement, it weighs on your shoulders and soul.
Yes we know "he" is scum and should get his ass kicked (yes, "we" love hearing it) but "we" don't NEED you to tell us... It doesn't make it any easier, all it does is feed the pain.
I cant imagine how she is dealing with this, but she is, and better than most would. I only wish other people would grasp that this is a struggle that she has to face alone- no one can help her fix it. She doesn't need a white knight- she needs a band aid.
Deal. She is.
Sometimes you just wont be able to empathize with a person over a situation you've never been in, sometimes its just not possible.
Seeing a friend go though a similar situation that I've lived though is hard. It brings up the feelings I once had to go through. Even more so because I know our situations are connected by a leach of a human (ie: my EX being an ass and encouraging others to act like him)
It's a sickening feeling.
Though on one hand it feels like karma, as she stood up for my ex and his "logic" when it was happening to me. On the other, I'd never wish this upon anyone.
Its poison in your veins. A feeling of your skin crawling, you want to scream but nothing makes you feel better. This "sickness" I know she is feeling every second of every day. A sinking hole in your body that never seems to fill- no matter how much to try to close it off with positive thinking. You feel insane, you think terrible things. You wish to break things, him, that slut, your self. Your face burns from shame, you feel worthless and alone. Nothing ebbs the constant feeling of bile in your throat.
You know this person is not worth these feelings, you may even be glad it's all over. But nothing can take away the sting of betrayal. Nothing can change the fact that you were LEFT.
You were left for a "piece of ass". You put in years of work, sacrificed everything, gave your all- and for what? To be treated like you were NOTHING.
Ouch.
In the end you cant eat, the only thing you wish to drink needs a hard edge, & you pray for a sleep you wont wake up from.
It's harsh, and no one knows how bad it feels inside your own mind, because you put on a brave face.
But it should pass quickly right? Wrong.
She's a week into this, it took me three years to fully get over mine.
I can only pray that she will heal quickly.
What makes it worse is people adding their two cents.
It's a hard thing- having to tell people that not only were you left, but that they now know you are hurting. It's extra judgement, it weighs on your shoulders and soul.
Yes we know "he" is scum and should get his ass kicked (yes, "we" love hearing it) but "we" don't NEED you to tell us... It doesn't make it any easier, all it does is feed the pain.
I cant imagine how she is dealing with this, but she is, and better than most would. I only wish other people would grasp that this is a struggle that she has to face alone- no one can help her fix it. She doesn't need a white knight- she needs a band aid.
Deal. She is.
6.04.2010
comme ci comme ca-
Things are looking up, all you have to do is try.
But while my life is getting better, a friends is falling apart.
"Such is life", but I know all too well what she is going through.
It never gets any easier!
After eons of men acting like pigs to the women the "love",
you'd think they would have figured it out by now!
Alas, I'll just stay content with the way things are going- uphill and making progress...
=)
But while my life is getting better, a friends is falling apart.
"Such is life", but I know all too well what she is going through.
It never gets any easier!
After eons of men acting like pigs to the women the "love",
you'd think they would have figured it out by now!
Alas, I'll just stay content with the way things are going- uphill and making progress...
=)
5.30.2010
The Great Bird.
Once again I find myself reeling from life's obstacles.
Once again I find myself working through it as best I can.
Things are different in life once you commit your self to another, you cannot just bolt at a
sign of weakness.
Were I younger and more prideful, I might not have been able to face this trial today.
I am once again reminded that I need to eat more scripture, and more often.
It gives my heart strength and guidance when all is dark, something I tend to forget when all is light in my life.
Though my heart is stronger against these trials, I still feel crushed like a ship against the rocks.
I must now focus more on drawing out the poison than the actual bite, a long process that I had hoped to never face again in my life.
And while that may be what I feel, I found myself not shaken in faith-
I did not cry to the Lord, asking "why?", but instead found a way to forgive.
And while I hurt, my heart hurts more for my husband.
I find myself asking for the grace to help him in the ways he cannot help himself.
My only hope is that this will strengthen my marriage for the future, though atonement is far from complete.
Lord help me, we all need red words.
Once again I find myself working through it as best I can.
Things are different in life once you commit your self to another, you cannot just bolt at a
sign of weakness.
Were I younger and more prideful, I might not have been able to face this trial today.
I am once again reminded that I need to eat more scripture, and more often.
It gives my heart strength and guidance when all is dark, something I tend to forget when all is light in my life.
Though my heart is stronger against these trials, I still feel crushed like a ship against the rocks.
I must now focus more on drawing out the poison than the actual bite, a long process that I had hoped to never face again in my life.
And while that may be what I feel, I found myself not shaken in faith-
I did not cry to the Lord, asking "why?", but instead found a way to forgive.
And while I hurt, my heart hurts more for my husband.
I find myself asking for the grace to help him in the ways he cannot help himself.
My only hope is that this will strengthen my marriage for the future, though atonement is far from complete.
Lord help me, we all need red words.
5.28.2010
Just call me Betty.
Crocker, not Page. Though either would be quite flattering.
I've been in a baking mood lately- and on a huge peanut butter kick.
Any time I can add peanut butter to the mix, I do. Literally.
And seeing that my "Peanut Butter Walnut and Banana Bread" was such a hit, I decided oatmeal cookies would be next.
So yesterday after making Mr M Sausage Peppers & Onions for his work lunch, I decided to scour the Internet for a recipe.
I came across a cookie bar recipe that stood out and had room for slight variation, and it was AMAZING.
I ended up altering the ingredient list here and there, and have as such changed it here to reflect the changes I made.
Mr M took the entire pan into work with him, and came back this morning with a empty dish piratically licked clean. The boys have asked for me to make them again, in my book that is a success!
Chewy Peanut Butter, Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Bars-
Prep: 15 minutes Bake: 22 minutes Cool: 1-24 hours.
Ingredients:
1 Cup Butter, softened
1 Cup Brown Sugar, packed
1 Cup White sugar
1 Tbsp Pure Vanilla Extract
1/2 tsp Sea Salt
1 tsp Baking Soda
2 Tbsp Half & Half cream
1 Cup Peanut Butter (full fat)
2 Large Eggs
2 Cups Oatmeal (1cup Old fashioned Oats, 1cup quick oats works best)
2 Cups All-purpose Baking Flour
1 12 oz bag Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips (half of bag reserved)
1/2 Cup Crushed walnuts (optional)
Instructions:
1: Set oven rack to second lowest position in oven, and then pre-heat to 350 degrees.
2: Grease a 13x9 pan (glass works best)
3: In a large bowl, using an electric mixer set on medium speed; cream butter,
sugars, and vanilla until sugar granules are dissolved.
4: Add in Peanut butter, Half & Half, & eggs to the butter/sugar mixture and blend until smooth
5: In separate bowl combine Flour, salt, baking soda, Oats, and walnuts (optional),
mix with a spoon until all oats are separated and coated with flour.
6: Using your electric mixer on lowest setting, add in dry ingredients.
Batter will be very thick, but should be a smooth, even texture.
7: With a spatula, fold in the first half of you chocolate chips.
8: Spread cookie mixture in the greased 13x9 pan, making sure to keep it as even as possible.
9: Bake for 22 minutes, the dough will look undercooked but refrain from cooking any longer!!
10: Let bars cool in pan for 30 minutes, cover top of bars with remaining chocolate chips.
Smooth once they are heated to make a "frosting".
11: Cool**, cut & serve!
** I recommend letting the bars cool in the pan for AT LEAST 5 hours. Bars will set up more and more as the cool, I think 24 hours give the best results.**
I've been in a baking mood lately- and on a huge peanut butter kick.
Any time I can add peanut butter to the mix, I do. Literally.
And seeing that my "Peanut Butter Walnut and Banana Bread" was such a hit, I decided oatmeal cookies would be next.
So yesterday after making Mr M Sausage Peppers & Onions for his work lunch, I decided to scour the Internet for a recipe.
I came across a cookie bar recipe that stood out and had room for slight variation, and it was AMAZING.
I ended up altering the ingredient list here and there, and have as such changed it here to reflect the changes I made.
Mr M took the entire pan into work with him, and came back this morning with a empty dish piratically licked clean. The boys have asked for me to make them again, in my book that is a success!
Chewy Peanut Butter, Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Bars-
Prep: 15 minutes Bake: 22 minutes Cool: 1-24 hours.
Ingredients:
1 Cup Butter, softened
1 Cup Brown Sugar, packed
1 Cup White sugar
1 Tbsp Pure Vanilla Extract
1/2 tsp Sea Salt
1 tsp Baking Soda
2 Tbsp Half & Half cream
1 Cup Peanut Butter (full fat)
2 Large Eggs
2 Cups Oatmeal (1cup Old fashioned Oats, 1cup quick oats works best)
2 Cups All-purpose Baking Flour
1 12 oz bag Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips (half of bag reserved)
1/2 Cup Crushed walnuts (optional)
Instructions:
1: Set oven rack to second lowest position in oven, and then pre-heat to 350 degrees.
2: Grease a 13x9 pan (glass works best)
3: In a large bowl, using an electric mixer set on medium speed; cream butter,
sugars, and vanilla until sugar granules are dissolved.
4: Add in Peanut butter, Half & Half, & eggs to the butter/sugar mixture and blend until smooth
5: In separate bowl combine Flour, salt, baking soda, Oats, and walnuts (optional),
mix with a spoon until all oats are separated and coated with flour.
6: Using your electric mixer on lowest setting, add in dry ingredients.
Batter will be very thick, but should be a smooth, even texture.
7: With a spatula, fold in the first half of you chocolate chips.
8: Spread cookie mixture in the greased 13x9 pan, making sure to keep it as even as possible.
9: Bake for 22 minutes, the dough will look undercooked but refrain from cooking any longer!!
10: Let bars cool in pan for 30 minutes, cover top of bars with remaining chocolate chips.
Smooth once they are heated to make a "frosting".
11: Cool**, cut & serve!
** I recommend letting the bars cool in the pan for AT LEAST 5 hours. Bars will set up more and more as the cool, I think 24 hours give the best results.**
5.07.2010
Vacation.
A much needed reprieve from my daily grind (though I thoroughly enjoy my daily life!)
and a welcome change of scenery.
BBQs have been had, family time enjoyed, my hair cut anew, and touristy events yet to be are all a vital part of this time away.
It always helps that the weather is SO nice and while I sport more than a few mosquito bites, I am still making time for the outdoors.
Less than a week before I am back home, and while I always miss my family here- Mr M is patiently waiting for me to return so that we can tend to our own family life.
Pictures will follow in the next couple of week- I feel no great rush to add them at this very moment- the sun is out and I plan on enjoying it while I can.
and a welcome change of scenery.
BBQs have been had, family time enjoyed, my hair cut anew, and touristy events yet to be are all a vital part of this time away.
It always helps that the weather is SO nice and while I sport more than a few mosquito bites, I am still making time for the outdoors.
Less than a week before I am back home, and while I always miss my family here- Mr M is patiently waiting for me to return so that we can tend to our own family life.
Pictures will follow in the next couple of week- I feel no great rush to add them at this very moment- the sun is out and I plan on enjoying it while I can.
4.28.2010
This, AGAIN.
Why is it that those females ( you know the ones- ones that deserve being called the "C" word)
have to start shit? ALWAYS.
Lord help me, but it's taking everything I have to not call out this trick on her bull shit.
I mean HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?
Where the hell does this bitch get the idea she needs to be making comments about shit that has NOTHING to do with her? Especially when it's a LIE?!?!
I extend a olive branch- I get NO RESPONSE, she starts more drama.
I let that shit slide- she spits in my face.
I don't know where the hell she was raised- but where I'm from, someone does that to you..
You BEAT THEIR ASS. End of story.
She should be thanking her lucky stars that I'm pregnant.
I'm gonna take my vacation- when I get back this shit needs to be over with, or I'm gonna take care of it.
***update***
Mr. M has been nice enough to get this handled before I get back.
I'm sure it will be done in the least forward way possible (ie: telling her the complete truth)
instead, opting to be nice and let her off easy.
But honestly, while I think that is the reason she acts the way she does, I will be just happy to have this "person" out of our lives for good.
have to start shit? ALWAYS.
Lord help me, but it's taking everything I have to not call out this trick on her bull shit.
I mean HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?
Where the hell does this bitch get the idea she needs to be making comments about shit that has NOTHING to do with her? Especially when it's a LIE?!?!
I extend a olive branch- I get NO RESPONSE, she starts more drama.
I let that shit slide- she spits in my face.
I don't know where the hell she was raised- but where I'm from, someone does that to you..
You BEAT THEIR ASS. End of story.
She should be thanking her lucky stars that I'm pregnant.
I'm gonna take my vacation- when I get back this shit needs to be over with, or I'm gonna take care of it.
***update***
Mr. M has been nice enough to get this handled before I get back.
I'm sure it will be done in the least forward way possible (ie: telling her the complete truth)
instead, opting to be nice and let her off easy.
But honestly, while I think that is the reason she acts the way she does, I will be just happy to have this "person" out of our lives for good.
4.27.2010
BUSYYYY.
This last weekend was a doozey, and it seems to have followed into this week!
Friday was a mess- errands, driving to the airport & house sitting. Yikes.
Marcus came home on emergency leave- so made time for him.
Sunday was chill, but nice time spend with the hubby.
Monday was more running around, lunch and picking up people at the airport.
Today is Mr M's birthday, so lots for fun in store.
Going to the crab pot with friends, have an amazing cake to share...
And then get home in time to pack and get ready for my flight on Wednesday night!
I'm just trying to stay focused on the tasks at hand, and not how much I'm going to miss Mr M
while I am away.
Two weeks away should be more than enough, I have the feeling Jacob will be all sorts of pissy the whole trip- he misses his poppa everytime we spend a night away.
How do I know? I get kicked all night long.
God I adore my life. =)
Friday was a mess- errands, driving to the airport & house sitting. Yikes.
Marcus came home on emergency leave- so made time for him.
Sunday was chill, but nice time spend with the hubby.
Monday was more running around, lunch and picking up people at the airport.
Today is Mr M's birthday, so lots for fun in store.
Going to the crab pot with friends, have an amazing cake to share...
And then get home in time to pack and get ready for my flight on Wednesday night!
I'm just trying to stay focused on the tasks at hand, and not how much I'm going to miss Mr M
while I am away.
Two weeks away should be more than enough, I have the feeling Jacob will be all sorts of pissy the whole trip- he misses his poppa everytime we spend a night away.
How do I know? I get kicked all night long.
God I adore my life. =)
4.21.2010
Dunzo.
I'm really not having a good night- I think I need to define what "cheating" is in my book.
I guess I haven't been clear yet?
I guess I haven't been clear yet?
4.15.2010
H2o?
I am happy and miffed after learning that the city water supply to our home will be un-use able all weekend.
Happy that I learned about it with plenty of time to buy supplies and prepare.
Miffed at the huge inconvenience this now makes for us.
With Mr M having to work another two days into this mess- I am left to pick up a few cases of water as well as a couple gallons to cook with if need be.
Not to mention that I now need to plan and cook enough meals (or starts for meals) so that we are not having to eat out all weekend long.
Both of us still have the lingerings of our nasty chest colds, so going out not only would be very costly- but a huge black hole for our time.
So far I am going to be making:
Beef Yakisoba and Jasmine rice
Irish Shepherds pie
Tuna Casserole with biscuit topping
and BBQ baked chicken with mashed potatoes and steamed peas.
I'll grab a frozen pizza as a quick back up as well- but that should give us plenty to eat and have more than enough for Mr M to take a couple meals to work.
Now I just need to get all the shopping and prep knocked out tonight before the faucet water turns brown....
Happy that I learned about it with plenty of time to buy supplies and prepare.
Miffed at the huge inconvenience this now makes for us.
With Mr M having to work another two days into this mess- I am left to pick up a few cases of water as well as a couple gallons to cook with if need be.
Not to mention that I now need to plan and cook enough meals (or starts for meals) so that we are not having to eat out all weekend long.
Both of us still have the lingerings of our nasty chest colds, so going out not only would be very costly- but a huge black hole for our time.
So far I am going to be making:
Beef Yakisoba and Jasmine rice
Irish Shepherds pie
Tuna Casserole with biscuit topping
and BBQ baked chicken with mashed potatoes and steamed peas.
I'll grab a frozen pizza as a quick back up as well- but that should give us plenty to eat and have more than enough for Mr M to take a couple meals to work.
Now I just need to get all the shopping and prep knocked out tonight before the faucet water turns brown....
4.10.2010
home cooked.
I am awake, yet again.........Oh well it gives me time to plan out dinner for tonight.
I've decided to suck it up, pull out the big guns, and make my familys favorite soup.
It's a big deal for me, making this soup means a lot. It's a learned craft, perfected by my mothers.
Making this soup is a PAIN IN THE ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
So much so that once Mr M gets home I actually have to go to the store and pick up a few things.
Then comes making stock, picking the chicken, roasting the veg, and making & rolling the dough for dumplings.
All the time that gets put in to the soup can be tasted. I'm just hoping it goes over well with my hubby.
I had not planned on making this soup until fall- but I feel the need to get Mr M & I back on a healthy track and give us something that is "feel good" food.
I think I'm going to try and fit in a nap before M gets home and I get to take off.
I might pass sometime with prep... who knows.
I've decided to suck it up, pull out the big guns, and make my familys favorite soup.
It's a big deal for me, making this soup means a lot. It's a learned craft, perfected by my mothers.
Making this soup is a PAIN IN THE ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
So much so that once Mr M gets home I actually have to go to the store and pick up a few things.
Then comes making stock, picking the chicken, roasting the veg, and making & rolling the dough for dumplings.
All the time that gets put in to the soup can be tasted. I'm just hoping it goes over well with my hubby.
I had not planned on making this soup until fall- but I feel the need to get Mr M & I back on a healthy track and give us something that is "feel good" food.
I think I'm going to try and fit in a nap before M gets home and I get to take off.
I might pass sometime with prep... who knows.
yucky cold.
I hatehatehate being sick.
It's got to be one of the worst feelings in the world.
All I want is to cuddle with Mr M and drink some soup.
Though that's not really an option with Mr M being sick and still having to work.
It makes for a very cranky household, where the exchange of words has topped out at a meager 10.
Normally when we get sick, I suck it up and take my meds so one of us can operate on as close to normal as possible.
That is always followed by the epic battles to get Mr M to take ANY form of meds, and then lots of tucking in and cooking of hearty food for the healing process.
Flash forward to me being pregnant, and taking meds is out of the question.
Lord help me, I miss NyQuil sooooo much.
Pair this with Mr M being gone on 12+ hour shifts, and I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
I'm hoping to turn in early tonight (seeing as our fishy is less inclined to keep me up, poor baby must feel yucky too) and then get up to run errands and make some homemade soup for us.
Thank the father that these shifts are only 4 days long- I think if it were 5 12's we would kill each other.
Time to heat up some soup, hit the shower, then off to bed to try and get as much rest as possible.
Fingers crosses that Mr M is having an ok night. I miss my cuddle monster.
It's got to be one of the worst feelings in the world.
All I want is to cuddle with Mr M and drink some soup.
Though that's not really an option with Mr M being sick and still having to work.
It makes for a very cranky household, where the exchange of words has topped out at a meager 10.
Normally when we get sick, I suck it up and take my meds so one of us can operate on as close to normal as possible.
That is always followed by the epic battles to get Mr M to take ANY form of meds, and then lots of tucking in and cooking of hearty food for the healing process.
Flash forward to me being pregnant, and taking meds is out of the question.
Lord help me, I miss NyQuil sooooo much.
Pair this with Mr M being gone on 12+ hour shifts, and I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
I'm hoping to turn in early tonight (seeing as our fishy is less inclined to keep me up, poor baby must feel yucky too) and then get up to run errands and make some homemade soup for us.
Thank the father that these shifts are only 4 days long- I think if it were 5 12's we would kill each other.
Time to heat up some soup, hit the shower, then off to bed to try and get as much rest as possible.
Fingers crosses that Mr M is having an ok night. I miss my cuddle monster.
4.04.2010
Happy freakin resurrection day.
Today feels like it could have been better (or also worse- but I'm not going for positive thinking at this point in time).
Mr M liked his Easter basket, so that made me happy.
Had a nice dinner together, very yummy.
& it's opening day for the Sox.
All very positive things.
On the other hand....
I made the great error in thinking that silly bitches can or ever will be anything more than, well.. silly dramatic bitches.
Hence new found drama among people who should not be involved.
**Note to self- never offer an olive branch to people your gut tells you not to. Chances are it's a wasted gesture and will only cause more issues.
So far I am moving on without the involvment of SB. & that is just fine with me.
Pretty sure the Lord has my back on this one. Cause we all know, Jesus hates drama.
***Update***
Less drama than could have been, still more than I like to deal with.
I'm just not a fan of skirting issues with this particular person any more than nessasary.
My biggest concern now is that I still have yet to have direct conversations with said SB, not for lack of trying- but for what seems to be a lack of willingness on thier side.
I'm all for playing nice, but I dont care to waste my time and energy on someone that, in the end, is still not a person I want to be around.
However frustrating this all is, making the effort to at least try for the good of my own happieness and that of Mr M is worth it.
I'm just not seeing this turn into a positive matter- whatever happend to "meet me half-way"?!?
Mr M liked his Easter basket, so that made me happy.
Had a nice dinner together, very yummy.
& it's opening day for the Sox.
All very positive things.
On the other hand....
I made the great error in thinking that silly bitches can or ever will be anything more than, well.. silly dramatic bitches.
Hence new found drama among people who should not be involved.
**Note to self- never offer an olive branch to people your gut tells you not to. Chances are it's a wasted gesture and will only cause more issues.
So far I am moving on without the involvment of SB. & that is just fine with me.
Pretty sure the Lord has my back on this one. Cause we all know, Jesus hates drama.
***Update***
Less drama than could have been, still more than I like to deal with.
I'm just not a fan of skirting issues with this particular person any more than nessasary.
My biggest concern now is that I still have yet to have direct conversations with said SB, not for lack of trying- but for what seems to be a lack of willingness on thier side.
I'm all for playing nice, but I dont care to waste my time and energy on someone that, in the end, is still not a person I want to be around.
However frustrating this all is, making the effort to at least try for the good of my own happieness and that of Mr M is worth it.
I'm just not seeing this turn into a positive matter- whatever happend to "meet me half-way"?!?
4.03.2010
Traditional?
I often find myself not understanding when people my age (or older, younger for that matter) lack what I see as "traditional" skills.
Now by no means was I raised as a "traditional" girl. Hard work, and encouragement to find our place in a working world was a huge part of how my sister and I were raised.
But between our mother and step-mother, we also learned very "womanly" tasks.
Beyond basic cooking and cleaning- sewing, child rearing, scratch baking, gift making, crafting, painting, drawing, singing, strong conversational skills, guest entertaining, letter writing and correspondence and the list goes on and on.
What I wonder is, when were these skills dismissed as not necessary for adult life?
It worries me a bit. I don't find these skills to be strictly "woman" roles, but 40 years ago it was standard to teach your children proper life skills.
Making ramen, or Mac N' Cheese is NOT cooking- but the majority of my age group know very little beyond those items.
And while being able to cook complete dinners makes me "shine" or "stand out", I often am slightly offended by the sideways complements I get for what I love doing.
I cherish these skills. They make my life more complete. I feel useful to my husband, in ways beyond sex and ordering a pizza.
Is that really so bad? Or (as I truly believe) were parents so busy rebelling against "traditional roles" and lost useful skills that they would have passed on to their children..?
It brings to mind a Gil Elvgren-esk pin-up tattoo. This cheerful "wife" in a apron holding a tray of cupcakes, with the words "in the kitchen, where I belong".
As backwards as that seems... I've spent my time in a "man's" world.... but at the end of my day, there's no where else in the world I'd rather be than in the kitchen making my hubby a cake.
I just hope more people get on board with the old school.
Now by no means was I raised as a "traditional" girl. Hard work, and encouragement to find our place in a working world was a huge part of how my sister and I were raised.
But between our mother and step-mother, we also learned very "womanly" tasks.
Beyond basic cooking and cleaning- sewing, child rearing, scratch baking, gift making, crafting, painting, drawing, singing, strong conversational skills, guest entertaining, letter writing and correspondence and the list goes on and on.
What I wonder is, when were these skills dismissed as not necessary for adult life?
It worries me a bit. I don't find these skills to be strictly "woman" roles, but 40 years ago it was standard to teach your children proper life skills.
Making ramen, or Mac N' Cheese is NOT cooking- but the majority of my age group know very little beyond those items.
And while being able to cook complete dinners makes me "shine" or "stand out", I often am slightly offended by the sideways complements I get for what I love doing.
I cherish these skills. They make my life more complete. I feel useful to my husband, in ways beyond sex and ordering a pizza.
Is that really so bad? Or (as I truly believe) were parents so busy rebelling against "traditional roles" and lost useful skills that they would have passed on to their children..?
It brings to mind a Gil Elvgren-esk pin-up tattoo. This cheerful "wife" in a apron holding a tray of cupcakes, with the words "in the kitchen, where I belong".
As backwards as that seems... I've spent my time in a "man's" world.... but at the end of my day, there's no where else in the world I'd rather be than in the kitchen making my hubby a cake.
I just hope more people get on board with the old school.
4.02.2010
4.
You look at my skin
Outside what's not inside you will see
That I'll never change for authority
Cuz my ink's my mark on society
Read between these lines and you'll understand
That my ink is with me 'till the end
I'm inked 'till the end
Outside what's not inside you will see
That I'll never change for authority
Cuz my ink's my mark on society
Read between these lines and you'll understand
That my ink is with me 'till the end
I'm inked 'till the end
3.31.2010
I heart...
I'm just in love with many things lately...
Well BESIDES my husband and child.. and life in general, that is!
1: Man Vs Food on Netflix on demand via Xbox360.
2: Netflix on demand via Xbox360.
3: What White People Like, the book.
4: Planning out the nursery theme.
5: Planning out my spring/summer clothes.
6: Planning out all the food I want to eat when I am home.
7: Pizza like woah.
8: Finding a way to safely tan while pregnant.
9: Spending some serious time planning Mr M's birthday out.
10: My hubby having 3 days off each week!
Word.
Well BESIDES my husband and child.. and life in general, that is!
1: Man Vs Food on Netflix on demand via Xbox360.
2: Netflix on demand via Xbox360.
3: What White People Like, the book.
4: Planning out the nursery theme.
5: Planning out my spring/summer clothes.
6: Planning out all the food I want to eat when I am home.
7: Pizza like woah.
8: Finding a way to safely tan while pregnant.
9: Spending some serious time planning Mr M's birthday out.
10: My hubby having 3 days off each week!
Word.
3.29.2010
JOFR.
In love with the new show, Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution.
Lord almighty, when a class of 6 year olds can't identify a fresh tomato- somthing is VERY wrong with how we are raising our children.
The weird thing is how much people are against his help.
Watch and learn kids!
Lord almighty, when a class of 6 year olds can't identify a fresh tomato- somthing is VERY wrong with how we are raising our children.
The weird thing is how much people are against his help.
Watch and learn kids!
3.24.2010
Head of house.
With all the family drama that is taking place...
I'm kinda in shock how well my husband is at handling it all. But in a good way.
I've never heard him so controlled while to obviously furious.
Not that I've actually ever heard him being even close to furious......
Hmmmm lots of firsts today.
Regardless, I'm actually really proud of how he is taking care of this little family crisis.
It's a crap situation, but I find myself really proud of him. It reminds me how much of a man he really is, and how lucky I am to have him as the head of our little family.
Lord help me, I find more and more to adore about him each day.
And it's freakin sexy!
I'm kinda in shock how well my husband is at handling it all. But in a good way.
I've never heard him so controlled while to obviously furious.
Not that I've actually ever heard him being even close to furious......
Hmmmm lots of firsts today.
Regardless, I'm actually really proud of how he is taking care of this little family crisis.
It's a crap situation, but I find myself really proud of him. It reminds me how much of a man he really is, and how lucky I am to have him as the head of our little family.
Lord help me, I find more and more to adore about him each day.
And it's freakin sexy!
3.23.2010
Total awe..
Today was a m a z i n g.
Wow. It's amazing how real it all becomes once you see that first glimpse of your baby.
Words can't describe how much I felt seeing the heartbeat and J/C's kicks and punches!
It's like this giant fog was lifted, all those worries melted away, and seeing my husbands smile while he got to watch our baby..... It's like I fell in love with him all over again in that moment.
Life has been up and down lately- but this was just another blessing to help us along.
These little moments endear my feelings of love for our little family, and especially Mr M.
I am truly a blessed woman, so lucky in life and love.
Thanks Lord for reminding me. =)
Dr.'s apt went very well, blood labs were clean and everything was very normal and relaxed.
Had our full check up, and because of my fears of being farther along- our Dr. gave us an early ultrasound after the routine stuff was done.Wow. It's amazing how real it all becomes once you see that first glimpse of your baby.
Words can't describe how much I felt seeing the heartbeat and J/C's kicks and punches!
It's like this giant fog was lifted, all those worries melted away, and seeing my husbands smile while he got to watch our baby..... It's like I fell in love with him all over again in that moment.
Life has been up and down lately- but this was just another blessing to help us along.
These little moments endear my feelings of love for our little family, and especially Mr M.
I am truly a blessed woman, so lucky in life and love.
Thanks Lord for reminding me. =)
3.22.2010
sunhine
Sunny days always feel like they make things better.
That and having a husband who knows the right things to say to make me feel at ease (well, most of the time.. Hahahah)
Being young and married can be hard, but it's never so hard that we'll stop trying to make things work.
No matter how bad things seem, there is always a silver lining.
<3
That and having a husband who knows the right things to say to make me feel at ease (well, most of the time.. Hahahah)
Being young and married can be hard, but it's never so hard that we'll stop trying to make things work.
No matter how bad things seem, there is always a silver lining.
<3
3.21.2010
waiting seems like forever.
Today has been hard. This week was hard, hell- this month has been hard. Or I should say "harder" than anyothers in this last year.
Never in my life have I felt so blessed. And yet, I find my emotions are on the fritz.
I've never been in this kind of a situation before.
Dependent (UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY) on another person. Aside from early childhood, that is...
I've held a job since sixteen, and while most of my earnings went to pay for my ex's lifestyle for over 5+ years (yes, I was THAT stupid), I at least felt useful.
In those years I worked every holiday, every weekend, nights, afternoons and was pushing 70 hours each week- only to come home to have to cook and clean, make sure the bills were paid and the household was in order. And while I was out working my ass off to keep our heads above water, my ex was out acting single and cheating on me at ever turn.
As stupid as it sounds, I at least felt like I was worth something, through all the bad that I had to deal with- I could at least bring home a check.
Though most of that time I was a doormat, I earned my keep and worked damn hard for the little money I could keep for myself.
I pride myself on being practical in life and in the things I need and want- it's not something I've always been, I am that way because of absolute need.
A roof over my head was more important than new shoes in my closet, gas in the car won out over going to the movies, paying the heating bill took precedent over any luxuries. That was my life, work non-stop and make due each day. As shitty as it seems, I at least had pride in my ability to just handle life each day as it came.
Fast forward to now- and it's hard to describe how low I feel some days.
Funny how that works out, I get the man of my dreams, the marriage, the baby on the way and I can't seem to shake this feeling of being the biggest loser I know.
And with each day like that comes fear of everything falling apart, because I have become so useless.
I'm in constant fear of the bottom falling out.
Whereas before I KNEW the bottom was falling out of the little bit of life I had,.... now I just fear that it's somewhere around the corner, ready to destroy all the true happiness I have found.
And then where would I be?
Out of work with a child to support? Back to 70 hour weeks, scraping by, trying to make things work out for the best?
Nothing has ever scared me more in my life.
Don't get me wrong- My life is TRULY blessed. I am married to a man that I feel lucky to even know, let alone call my husband.
And yet I still fear that one day he'll realize that he would be better off without me and the responsibilities he now has.
That is the bottom falling out.
I know it sounds stupid, most days I really feel like I'm scared for no reason. But other times, I can't get away from the crushing feeling of the end of all this coming.
Some days it feels like it will happen this week, or in six months. Other times in a year, or five, or twenty.
I can't seem to get over the feeling of him being better than this life we have, or whats to come.
Most times I know this is all my crazy imbalance of hormones talking, making me overreact to every feeling I have, have had, or might ever feel (thanks a lot pregnant body) but I can't help but wonder when we are having one of our bad days if it's all true.
I hope to God it's not.
So here I am, left to type away all the fear knotted in the pit of my stomach, putting it away until the next time. Hoping there wont be a next time, but I know better by now that it's only a matter of time till it come pouring out again.
And through it all, I just wish it was the summer already- just so it could be like it all was back then.
Never in my life have I felt so blessed. And yet, I find my emotions are on the fritz.
I've never been in this kind of a situation before.
Dependent (UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY) on another person. Aside from early childhood, that is...
I've held a job since sixteen, and while most of my earnings went to pay for my ex's lifestyle for over 5+ years (yes, I was THAT stupid), I at least felt useful.
In those years I worked every holiday, every weekend, nights, afternoons and was pushing 70 hours each week- only to come home to have to cook and clean, make sure the bills were paid and the household was in order. And while I was out working my ass off to keep our heads above water, my ex was out acting single and cheating on me at ever turn.
As stupid as it sounds, I at least felt like I was worth something, through all the bad that I had to deal with- I could at least bring home a check.
Though most of that time I was a doormat, I earned my keep and worked damn hard for the little money I could keep for myself.
I pride myself on being practical in life and in the things I need and want- it's not something I've always been, I am that way because of absolute need.
A roof over my head was more important than new shoes in my closet, gas in the car won out over going to the movies, paying the heating bill took precedent over any luxuries. That was my life, work non-stop and make due each day. As shitty as it seems, I at least had pride in my ability to just handle life each day as it came.
Fast forward to now- and it's hard to describe how low I feel some days.
Funny how that works out, I get the man of my dreams, the marriage, the baby on the way and I can't seem to shake this feeling of being the biggest loser I know.
And with each day like that comes fear of everything falling apart, because I have become so useless.
I'm in constant fear of the bottom falling out.
Whereas before I KNEW the bottom was falling out of the little bit of life I had,.... now I just fear that it's somewhere around the corner, ready to destroy all the true happiness I have found.
And then where would I be?
Out of work with a child to support? Back to 70 hour weeks, scraping by, trying to make things work out for the best?
Nothing has ever scared me more in my life.
Don't get me wrong- My life is TRULY blessed. I am married to a man that I feel lucky to even know, let alone call my husband.
And yet I still fear that one day he'll realize that he would be better off without me and the responsibilities he now has.
That is the bottom falling out.
I know it sounds stupid, most days I really feel like I'm scared for no reason. But other times, I can't get away from the crushing feeling of the end of all this coming.
Some days it feels like it will happen this week, or in six months. Other times in a year, or five, or twenty.
I can't seem to get over the feeling of him being better than this life we have, or whats to come.
Most times I know this is all my crazy imbalance of hormones talking, making me overreact to every feeling I have, have had, or might ever feel (thanks a lot pregnant body) but I can't help but wonder when we are having one of our bad days if it's all true.
I hope to God it's not.
So here I am, left to type away all the fear knotted in the pit of my stomach, putting it away until the next time. Hoping there wont be a next time, but I know better by now that it's only a matter of time till it come pouring out again.
And through it all, I just wish it was the summer already- just so it could be like it all was back then.
3.17.2010
House.
No not "our" house, House of the MD, TV land sort.
I love watching the show and guessing how and why someone got to whatever ailment they have been stricken with.
Today's episode deals with "Donna" from that 70's show as a chick named Frankie.... yeah not a fan of that name either...
Who happens to blog her entire life, that of her boyfriend's (without his permission) and piss off the neighbor in the process due to thin walls and the arguments that ensue over said blogging.
Until she ...(wait for it......DUNN DUNNNN DUUUUUNNNNN) has "bruising" show up for no reason- IE unexplained coagulation also known as: not good-itis.
so here are my early guesses.
1: vegetarian diet has some adverse effect on her, but not likely.
2: the rat poison that she picks up (cause she's a tree hugger) is making her sick, again- not likely.
or 3: (and my favorite) she's screwing the noisy neighbor.
How did I come to guess on three? Well he knows the inside of her house, more so that the drawer that is locked on the desk is Frankie's "private drawer" and no one is suppose to touch it.
And well, the others... are because she blogs about them. That and it's a TV show so you get to see all that extra crap. Come on people, keep up with me here.
Ahhh that plot thickens. I'll update with the "real" issue after I finish this episode.....
Update:
So we go from : bad heart valve to- cancer to- liver damage & near death to.... illregular poops?
Uhhh yeah, that's what I thought too. Bahahaha.
Making the real anwser:
Ewwww so the answer is guess number 1. Just one more reason to never be a vegetarian.
I love watching the show and guessing how and why someone got to whatever ailment they have been stricken with.
Today's episode deals with "Donna" from that 70's show as a chick named Frankie.... yeah not a fan of that name either...
Who happens to blog her entire life, that of her boyfriend's (without his permission) and piss off the neighbor in the process due to thin walls and the arguments that ensue over said blogging.
Until she ...(wait for it......DUNN DUNNNN DUUUUUNNNNN) has "bruising" show up for no reason- IE unexplained coagulation also known as: not good-itis.
so here are my early guesses.
1: vegetarian diet has some adverse effect on her, but not likely.
2: the rat poison that she picks up (cause she's a tree hugger) is making her sick, again- not likely.
or 3: (and my favorite) she's screwing the noisy neighbor.
How did I come to guess on three? Well he knows the inside of her house, more so that the drawer that is locked on the desk is Frankie's "private drawer" and no one is suppose to touch it.
And well, the others... are because she blogs about them. That and it's a TV show so you get to see all that extra crap. Come on people, keep up with me here.
Ahhh that plot thickens. I'll update with the "real" issue after I finish this episode.....
Update:
So we go from : bad heart valve to- cancer to- liver damage & near death to.... illregular poops?
Uhhh yeah, that's what I thought too. Bahahaha.
Making the real anwser:
Ewwww so the answer is guess number 1. Just one more reason to never be a vegetarian.
3.04.2010
Conviction is the word of the day.
I feel very off lately. A lot of that has to do with outside sources (IE: one person being an absurdly huge ass, and people turning a blind eye).
When dealing with military men (not really the women so much) I find that they think they know more than anyone else about the military.
God forbid that they might be wrong on something as huge as this.
I'm a huge advocate of speaking up. If I see a hit and run and happen to get the licence plate number- I'm going to stop and wait for the police. Why? Because it's the right thing to do.
A topic I am unwavering on is abuse. End of story.
I don't take threats, I refuse to turn a blind eye to cheaters, I wont put up with it.
When dealing with men in the military that are abusive, it's never their fault.
They feel that because they are in the military they are protected. And if the other party is civilian? Well they can't do anything about it!
Yeah, no. I come from a military family. I know more than I'm given credit for about chain of command, and that's fine.
What I can't stand is that when I encourage someone who is being harassed, threatened and made out to be crazy for "not just taking it" I become a "bad" person.
Wait.. what?
I am a bitch for not letting a piece of shit airman get away with this?
Wow.
That's the exact reason that military think they are allowed to get away with crap like this.
When everyone around them "lol"s the matter and turns a blind eye, all those people are doing is condoning the act and encouraging it to happen again.
FUCK that.
People can call me a bitch all they want, at least I have the back bone and can follow through on doing what I know is right.
In the end at least I'll be able to tell my child that not only do I know the difference between right and wrong, but I have the conviction to stand up for whats right.
When dealing with military men (not really the women so much) I find that they think they know more than anyone else about the military.
God forbid that they might be wrong on something as huge as this.
I'm a huge advocate of speaking up. If I see a hit and run and happen to get the licence plate number- I'm going to stop and wait for the police. Why? Because it's the right thing to do.
A topic I am unwavering on is abuse. End of story.
I don't take threats, I refuse to turn a blind eye to cheaters, I wont put up with it.
When dealing with men in the military that are abusive, it's never their fault.
They feel that because they are in the military they are protected. And if the other party is civilian? Well they can't do anything about it!
Yeah, no. I come from a military family. I know more than I'm given credit for about chain of command, and that's fine.
What I can't stand is that when I encourage someone who is being harassed, threatened and made out to be crazy for "not just taking it" I become a "bad" person.
Wait.. what?
I am a bitch for not letting a piece of shit airman get away with this?
Wow.
That's the exact reason that military think they are allowed to get away with crap like this.
When everyone around them "lol"s the matter and turns a blind eye, all those people are doing is condoning the act and encouraging it to happen again.
FUCK that.
People can call me a bitch all they want, at least I have the back bone and can follow through on doing what I know is right.
In the end at least I'll be able to tell my child that not only do I know the difference between right and wrong, but I have the conviction to stand up for whats right.
3.02.2010
fully upset.
Today started off great- I love spending time with my sister.. Lunch, finding a great kids movie from my childhood newly made into DVD. Life's awesome.
Like everyday, I look forward to the evening when I get to see my husband when he gets home from work.
I knew he had a "play date" with some friends to play games online, I'm cool with that- cause at least I can sit here on the couch and see him.
But lately I see less and less of him- between him spending time at the gym after work (awesome, and I fully support) , stopping off and visiting people on the way home (can I at least get a call saying where you are, please?) and last minute "lets go out for guys night" BS (WTF, Grrrr) , I'm getting less and less time with him.
Yes, I understand that I refuse to hang out with a few of your friends- I get that.
Yes, I understand that being pregnant in a bar makes no sense and I'm tired all the time.
Yes, I understand you need "your own" time- I find it healthy, go for it!
But this is getting old quick. Lack of communication is seeping in, and bad attitude is accompanying it as well.
I hate feeling like this- worse is it's not like I'm hormonal or anything... (sarcasm much?)
I'm just looking forward to things getting better in the next few weeks. It had better soon, I'm not loving this at all- You can't act like you're single just cause you want to, it doesn't work like that.
Like everyday, I look forward to the evening when I get to see my husband when he gets home from work.
I knew he had a "play date" with some friends to play games online, I'm cool with that- cause at least I can sit here on the couch and see him.
But lately I see less and less of him- between him spending time at the gym after work (awesome, and I fully support) , stopping off and visiting people on the way home (can I at least get a call saying where you are, please?) and last minute "lets go out for guys night" BS (WTF, Grrrr) , I'm getting less and less time with him.
Yes, I understand that I refuse to hang out with a few of your friends- I get that.
Yes, I understand that being pregnant in a bar makes no sense and I'm tired all the time.
Yes, I understand you need "your own" time- I find it healthy, go for it!
But this is getting old quick. Lack of communication is seeping in, and bad attitude is accompanying it as well.
I hate feeling like this- worse is it's not like I'm hormonal or anything... (sarcasm much?)
I'm just looking forward to things getting better in the next few weeks. It had better soon, I'm not loving this at all- You can't act like you're single just cause you want to, it doesn't work like that.
2.22.2010
yah yah yahhh.
I know, I know. I've been putting off writing on here for sometime now.
Nothing big is really happening and I've had to write long and somewhat drawn-out pieces for various reasons and quite frankly, it drains me a bit. TV is easier.
The hubby is home from a family visit to Texas, I dragged him around all day after his flight so now he's dead to the world while I am awake after only a few hours of rest yesterday evening.
It's the exact opposite of my sleep pattern lately. I mostly sleep the days away, and have for the last month or so- it puts a huge damper on friendship sadly. But I am thankful to be able to stay awake for more then a couple hours, for however long this new schedule lasts that is.
I have had two family members contact me this week that I haven't spoken to for over a decade, it's a nice return to normalcy (?), and I am welcoming the new found outlet to share what has happened in our lives with each other- a very cool thing indeed. I'm excited to see where this leads, I have the feeling it should work out for the best.
As for today's plans...I will be getting my new base ID, then I made Mr M promise to buy me pie and walk around the mall with me at South Center.
I think I'm just craving time away from the house while we can, as his leave ends on Tuesday.
I'm also making a strawberry soda cake for him and the boys today, and tomorrow I plan on making dinner and having the Tonys' over for Wii night and apples to apples.
All in all life is amazing,
Nothing big is really happening and I've had to write long and somewhat drawn-out pieces for various reasons and quite frankly, it drains me a bit. TV is easier.
The hubby is home from a family visit to Texas, I dragged him around all day after his flight so now he's dead to the world while I am awake after only a few hours of rest yesterday evening.
It's the exact opposite of my sleep pattern lately. I mostly sleep the days away, and have for the last month or so- it puts a huge damper on friendship sadly. But I am thankful to be able to stay awake for more then a couple hours, for however long this new schedule lasts that is.
I have had two family members contact me this week that I haven't spoken to for over a decade, it's a nice return to normalcy (?), and I am welcoming the new found outlet to share what has happened in our lives with each other- a very cool thing indeed. I'm excited to see where this leads, I have the feeling it should work out for the best.
As for today's plans...I will be getting my new base ID, then I made Mr M promise to buy me pie and walk around the mall with me at South Center.
I think I'm just craving time away from the house while we can, as his leave ends on Tuesday.
I'm also making a strawberry soda cake for him and the boys today, and tomorrow I plan on making dinner and having the Tonys' over for Wii night and apples to apples.
All in all life is amazing,
2.07.2010
TV food.....
I am a ABDC fan, all out.
But I haaaattttttteeeee this seasons judges table. I mean all seasons (up till now) have been great, with the exception of Lil' Mama being a tard-o sometimes.
Oh and everyone dis-likes Mario Lopez as a "host"......
But now they replaced (rightly so) Shane Sparks with Omarion?!?!? I'm sorry, but WTF?????
Who the &*%@ is OMARION!?!? I mean I KNOW who he is, but lets face it- he wasnt that good as a artist, so WHY would he be a good judge for a dance competition?!?
Ughhhhhhhh. I want to reach through the TV and choke him. Time & time again.
Bleaghhhh. Someone replace him PLEASE????
But I haaaattttttteeeee this seasons judges table. I mean all seasons (up till now) have been great, with the exception of Lil' Mama being a tard-o sometimes.
Oh and everyone dis-likes Mario Lopez as a "host"......
But now they replaced (rightly so) Shane Sparks with Omarion?!?!? I'm sorry, but WTF?????
Who the &*%@ is OMARION!?!? I mean I KNOW who he is, but lets face it- he wasnt that good as a artist, so WHY would he be a good judge for a dance competition?!?
Ughhhhhhhh. I want to reach through the TV and choke him. Time & time again.
Bleaghhhh. Someone replace him PLEASE????
2.05.2010
back to normal.
I feel refreshed. More than refreshed- more like my normal self.
Mr M is finally home from NC, after two weeks of non-stop pushing out C-17s for Haiti.
Needless to say, in my current state I became frazzled with him gone.
I'm so accustomed to his voice daily, hugs and kisses at every turn, kind and loving words as well as the laughter that comes from our banter each day.
That all changes with him on TDY, the house feels empty in a profound way.
Most days I had to force myself out of bed to eat or venture out to town. For most people that sounds quite silly, but it is a large adjustment to try and get use to.
Nights are always the worst, missing him sleeping in our bed as well as the safety that I feel when he is near took it's toll on my sleeping habits. I am more naturally a insomniac, so stress ( like that I felt for those two weeks of being "alone') tends to make me sleep even less.
Couple that with being exhausted from our fishy, and it makes for a very random schedule.
Thankfully Mr M was able to get home sooner than later, and so after three days of
"re-adjusting", I am feeling up to daily activities.
(This was of course after I slept the entire morning & afternoon away two days in a row)
I feel awful to have spent the night away from home, only to come back right after Mr M had gone to sleep... So I spent the last two hours cooking and baking a yummy lunch for him to take to work tomorrow.
While he is at work I plan on meeting my sister for a lunch date followed by desert at the wonderful Hello Cupcake bakery in down town. It should be a very fun day indeed =)
I'm just thankful that I am able to start getting into a routine for the coming months.
I truly am a blessed woman.
Mr M is finally home from NC, after two weeks of non-stop pushing out C-17s for Haiti.
Needless to say, in my current state I became frazzled with him gone.
I'm so accustomed to his voice daily, hugs and kisses at every turn, kind and loving words as well as the laughter that comes from our banter each day.
That all changes with him on TDY, the house feels empty in a profound way.
Most days I had to force myself out of bed to eat or venture out to town. For most people that sounds quite silly, but it is a large adjustment to try and get use to.
Nights are always the worst, missing him sleeping in our bed as well as the safety that I feel when he is near took it's toll on my sleeping habits. I am more naturally a insomniac, so stress ( like that I felt for those two weeks of being "alone') tends to make me sleep even less.
Couple that with being exhausted from our fishy, and it makes for a very random schedule.
Thankfully Mr M was able to get home sooner than later, and so after three days of
"re-adjusting", I am feeling up to daily activities.
(This was of course after I slept the entire morning & afternoon away two days in a row)
I feel awful to have spent the night away from home, only to come back right after Mr M had gone to sleep... So I spent the last two hours cooking and baking a yummy lunch for him to take to work tomorrow.
While he is at work I plan on meeting my sister for a lunch date followed by desert at the wonderful Hello Cupcake bakery in down town. It should be a very fun day indeed =)
I'm just thankful that I am able to start getting into a routine for the coming months.
I truly am a blessed woman.
1.29.2010
Oui.
It's been a few days since I last posted anything-
Not much is really happening, just lots of sleep and head aches lately.
I'm looking forward to Mr M coming home soon.... I hate being apart, especially now.
But I'll live =)
Tomorrow should be pretty chill- gonna have a friend burn another disk of FMA brotherhood, and spend the day cleaning house. At least that's the plan so far.
Wish me luck!
Not much is really happening, just lots of sleep and head aches lately.
I'm looking forward to Mr M coming home soon.... I hate being apart, especially now.
But I'll live =)
Tomorrow should be pretty chill- gonna have a friend burn another disk of FMA brotherhood, and spend the day cleaning house. At least that's the plan so far.
Wish me luck!
1.24.2010
fml................*-ish
Today was amazing- wonderfully helpful things happened and I spoke to my husband not once, but twice.
& yet here I am at nearly 2 am, my tummy keeps turning and I am beyond uncomfortable.
My stomach is all bloated and hurty, and I can't sleep to save my life.
This suuuuuuuccccckkkkksssss.
Gosh I wish Mr M was home, cuddles always make me feel better.
Only two weeks to go.
& yet here I am at nearly 2 am, my tummy keeps turning and I am beyond uncomfortable.
My stomach is all bloated and hurty, and I can't sleep to save my life.
This suuuuuuuccccckkkkksssss.
Gosh I wish Mr M was home, cuddles always make me feel better.
Only two weeks to go.
1.19.2010
Word travels fast..
So much for secrets!
Who knew military men gossiped like little old french women?
Haha. Oh bon! C'est la vie!
Who knew military men gossiped like little old french women?
Haha. Oh bon! C'est la vie!
1.18.2010
Call me Sadie..
I love that when I say "just call me Sadie" no one (& I mean NO ONE) gets it- aside from my step-mother. And she knew right away what I was talking about. Effin A, hahaha.
Thought I was well over due for a new post. Mr M is gone to Pope AFB to assist with the Haiti relief efforts of the US. I'm very proud, and also happy he gets some time away from the great rainy state of WA. On the flip side I want him home. Home isn't the same without him here, but it all part of the MW life, Yay!!
Tomorrow is paperwork and a day of shopping with my mother. Then the boys might come over to keep me company, if I'm not too tired.
Wednesday is Hayden-bugs 3rd birthday party on base, bowling and transformers cake- I'm so down!!
Then??? I plan to spend time with a good friend (Kevin) while he's here- maybe go chill with the whole crew.
I've been more active the last few days, the "sleepiness" isn't so bad, so I'm going to take advantage of my wakefulness to the fullest.
So tonight will be me nom'n on bread sticks and playing on the Internet until I get sleepy enough to get myself to bed.
I'm so looking forward to hearing M's voice tomorrow, it's the highlight of my days when he's gone.
Thought I was well over due for a new post. Mr M is gone to Pope AFB to assist with the Haiti relief efforts of the US. I'm very proud, and also happy he gets some time away from the great rainy state of WA. On the flip side I want him home. Home isn't the same without him here, but it all part of the MW life, Yay!!
Tomorrow is paperwork and a day of shopping with my mother. Then the boys might come over to keep me company, if I'm not too tired.
Wednesday is Hayden-bugs 3rd birthday party on base, bowling and transformers cake- I'm so down!!
Then??? I plan to spend time with a good friend (Kevin) while he's here- maybe go chill with the whole crew.
I've been more active the last few days, the "sleepiness" isn't so bad, so I'm going to take advantage of my wakefulness to the fullest.
So tonight will be me nom'n on bread sticks and playing on the Internet until I get sleepy enough to get myself to bed.
I'm so looking forward to hearing M's voice tomorrow, it's the highlight of my days when he's gone.
1.13.2010
Last stand?
I am quite amused at the moment with Mr M, as he seems to have decided to make a stand on passwords this morning.
Quite adorable- seeing as I liken it to being 13 and putting a "no girls allowed" sign on the door to his room.
Cute indeed. Hahaha.
I would have preferred him to at least make a fuss about it letting me know his frustration over "???", well your guess would be as good as mine at the moment. Maybe thoughts of clinging to "his" things?
There are very few objects (if any) that I require to stay as "mine". My underwear, my purse, and my shoes are the only things that come to mind.
All things I would however share with the right person- say my sister (but not Mr M of course).
So here the comedy ensues, as I type away on my unusually loud keyboard in the room next to where Mr M sleeps- I feel it only fitting that he has to not only listen to the typing, but now we have to heat this room as well so I may spend time in here updating my blog.
I can't wait to now get my sound drivers updated- a act that Mr M will surely lament once I start accompanying my typing with music.
=)
Quite adorable- seeing as I liken it to being 13 and putting a "no girls allowed" sign on the door to his room.
Cute indeed. Hahaha.
I would have preferred him to at least make a fuss about it letting me know his frustration over "???", well your guess would be as good as mine at the moment. Maybe thoughts of clinging to "his" things?
There are very few objects (if any) that I require to stay as "mine". My underwear, my purse, and my shoes are the only things that come to mind.
All things I would however share with the right person- say my sister (but not Mr M of course).
So here the comedy ensues, as I type away on my unusually loud keyboard in the room next to where Mr M sleeps- I feel it only fitting that he has to not only listen to the typing, but now we have to heat this room as well so I may spend time in here updating my blog.
I can't wait to now get my sound drivers updated- a act that Mr M will surely lament once I start accompanying my typing with music.
=)
1.11.2010
Informal and perfect.
I'm so excited and relived for Saturday, it's our 8 month official anniversary.
I feel the sudden urge to listen to the "My Fair Lady" soundtrack. Hahah.
Something tells me I'm going to remember that day for the rest of my life.
<3
I feel the sudden urge to listen to the "My Fair Lady" soundtrack. Hahah.
Something tells me I'm going to remember that day for the rest of my life.
<3
1.07.2010
many, many thoughts.
Today is unexpected in a most sad and reflective manner.
While I have been waiting to share our news with T, I received a call this morning letting me know he would have to cancel our lunch date.
He had just learned his mother had passed away this morning. I asked if he was OK- he told me he didn't know yet.
My heart breaks in moments like these. No condolences can make this better, no well wishes or words of love (however comforting) can bring back a loved one.
I am at a loss of words for him.
Rare is the occasion that I cannot find the right thing to say to T, having been my most loyal and my very best friend for years- we always seem to make any situation better. But today is not one of those days.
So here I sit and ponder, waiting by my phone in case he needs anything, hoping and praying he will make it through this painful time.
My own mother often jokes of living life & about how she wishes to die young, so that old age will not be able to cripple her or leave her alone.
I have always hated those talks, as much as she jokes- I need her to live long.
I think every child wishes their parents would live forever. None of us want to have to say goodbye to someone who has shaped us and crafted the people we are.
Especially in a time I feel closer to my mother than ever before, T losing his mother brings back the reality that life is frail.
Hope and wish all we want, when our loved ones die is not up to us. So all we can do is make the best of the time we have, and live with as much love as we can muster.
While I have been waiting to share our news with T, I received a call this morning letting me know he would have to cancel our lunch date.
He had just learned his mother had passed away this morning. I asked if he was OK- he told me he didn't know yet.
My heart breaks in moments like these. No condolences can make this better, no well wishes or words of love (however comforting) can bring back a loved one.
I am at a loss of words for him.
Rare is the occasion that I cannot find the right thing to say to T, having been my most loyal and my very best friend for years- we always seem to make any situation better. But today is not one of those days.
So here I sit and ponder, waiting by my phone in case he needs anything, hoping and praying he will make it through this painful time.
My own mother often jokes of living life & about how she wishes to die young, so that old age will not be able to cripple her or leave her alone.
I have always hated those talks, as much as she jokes- I need her to live long.
I think every child wishes their parents would live forever. None of us want to have to say goodbye to someone who has shaped us and crafted the people we are.
Especially in a time I feel closer to my mother than ever before, T losing his mother brings back the reality that life is frail.
Hope and wish all we want, when our loved ones die is not up to us. So all we can do is make the best of the time we have, and live with as much love as we can muster.
1.05.2010
Like, it'd be freakin sweet if nobody hit me...
So exhausted, all the time. Yucky no fun exhausted- but I hear it will get better soon.
I'm elated by our unexpected blessings this year- my heart feels a little overwhelmed at times, but I couldn't be happier.
Mr M has been so wonderful and patient with me and my wide variety of "ailments". Through and through he always pushes to make me smile, laugh or just give me some relief. That alone is amazing and I adore him for it.
My only fret is that I'm bursting. I find it hard to keep all this happiness inside, especially with people I care dearly about- but first things first, and pecking order must be followed it seems.
Spoke with my father, he was quite shocked but I think tomorrow he will be settled in and very happy. This was a big milestone- all others are now cake and pie!!
Speaking of pecking order (and cake), I'm excited to speak with my best friend T, over an amazing Hello Cupcake, and give him the news. I can't wait to see his face =)
Life is perfect.
I'm elated by our unexpected blessings this year- my heart feels a little overwhelmed at times, but I couldn't be happier.
Mr M has been so wonderful and patient with me and my wide variety of "ailments". Through and through he always pushes to make me smile, laugh or just give me some relief. That alone is amazing and I adore him for it.
My only fret is that I'm bursting. I find it hard to keep all this happiness inside, especially with people I care dearly about- but first things first, and pecking order must be followed it seems.
Spoke with my father, he was quite shocked but I think tomorrow he will be settled in and very happy. This was a big milestone- all others are now cake and pie!!
Speaking of pecking order (and cake), I'm excited to speak with my best friend T, over an amazing Hello Cupcake, and give him the news. I can't wait to see his face =)
Life is perfect.
1.01.2010
New Year 2010
Again and again, I find myself reminded of how lucky and blessed I truly am.
I was able to spend new years eve in Vancouver with Mr M, at a good friends 21st birthday.
I had a great time in amazing company!! Lots of pictures, lots of laughs and good memories.
Today has been eventful and a blessing- Mr M & I ventured out to finish shopping for the homestead and to have a nice lunch.
Less then 24 hours into 2010, and life is getting more interesting by the hour.
Life is wonderful, and I couldn't be happier with my life and the changes to come!
Happy New Year!!
I was able to spend new years eve in Vancouver with Mr M, at a good friends 21st birthday.
I had a great time in amazing company!! Lots of pictures, lots of laughs and good memories.
Today has been eventful and a blessing- Mr M & I ventured out to finish shopping for the homestead and to have a nice lunch.
Less then 24 hours into 2010, and life is getting more interesting by the hour.
Life is wonderful, and I couldn't be happier with my life and the changes to come!
Happy New Year!!
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