Here we go, again.

Another deployment. Another argument on things that I thought were clear.

Maybe I'm past all the hard-core needing to "go out" phase, or maybe I expect too much of others in that regard.
Either way, I can never understand how I become the bad guy for wanting people to hold up to
their end of whatever we have planned.

"I'll call you tonight" doesn't mean 'whenever I'm done at the bar". At least not to me.

It's no fun. Specifically, feeling like the afterthought every time Mr M goes on mission sucks.
It's a break from life that only HE gets.
Drinking, partying and being carefree is not on the agenda back home. Ever.
And while he's out having fun, I'm worrying if Guppy has slept enough, about the upcoming DRs appointments to attend and when I might get my next shower.
I live a single parents life without the break of an actual job, and without the break of "personal time". Life is life, and for me there is no "vacation".

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom. Nothing makes me happier than spending time with my child.
But while my husband claims that jealously is my motivation for not wanting him to drink and carry on so much- the fact is I need a partner that I feel is as committed to this new life as I am. We are no longer 'Kids' able to do as we like without consequence of our actions. Nor is it a pass just because one is not "home". I need to be shown that my trust doesn't just end at " I know you won't cheat".

Taking a mission to "get away" brings no sympathy when you tell me you fear being forgotten.
It feels like a cop out, you chose to leave, you needed to get away.
Telling me that this is a "lifestyle" and part of the job?
I call bull shit, there are plenty of men who have left that life behind for love of family.
What is worse, is that don't expect complete change, only to cut back on such stupidity.
And yes, treating "going out" like a priority in life is stupidity.


Having been though too much already in this life has made me unwavering on my morals.
It's a hard standard to hold most Military men to, but I expect and need someone who shares in the values I hold dear.
And not just for show.
Because a persons character is vital more than ever in raising a child. It's important to me.
I never want to put my child's wants and needs second to living like "I" want.
More so, I never want to have to explain to my son that he comes secondary to "having a good time", because I wasn't ready to grow up. To me, that isn't an option. To others it is.

I'm not sure where this all ends. I fear this year will be full of disappointment on this subject, bringing with it uncertainty. I fear this will become too constant of a struggle in our lives.
Never have I felt like such an island, adrift in a sea full of selfish people who happen to have children.
I fear most of all, that I stand alone in my own home.

Lord let me be stone.

Better than Betty.

Been keeping busy cooking and baking lately.
Red Velvet cake, Banana breads, Pound cakes and looking for new recipies to try.
Tonight I'm making Ettouffee with rice, and a red velvet cake for dessert.
Also have chilli in the slowcooker for the BiL so he will have something to warm up until my sister gets home.

Only a few more days until Mr M. goes on his next TDY and though I'm going to miss him, it's good for him to get away and have some down time.

Looking out the window, it's snowing at the moment... Better get my butt going, still need to make a last minute run to Safeway to grab celery (which I forgot to get this morning). Lame, this snow needs to MELT!!

Single momdom

Havent had much time to post, been very busy with Mr M's deployment, his return, & now his new deployment coming up soon.
So a quick review.

Tony & Joe are gone!
House to ourselves.
Love it.
Guppy is huge,
trying to crawl,
a joyful pain in the butt!
Mr M is tan,
amazing,
and still the love of my life.
I am getting better at multitasking,
bargan shopping,
and typing with one hand.

Live, Life, Love. Indeed =)